Mother's Day Eulogy

Whenever I go to a funeral I try to imagine what someone will say about me after I am gone. I sometimes have a hard time believing that any of my kids, or anyone else for that matter, will be able to come up with anything kind to say. A couple of years ago it was proclaimed by one of my children that the musical number at my funeral was going to be "Ding Dong the Witch is Dead". However, today I kind of felt like I was Tom Sawyer or Huck Finn hiding in the balcony of the church and listening to my own eulogy when my oldest son spoke in sacrament meeting. He should probably keep track of this talk. It might come in handy some day. I am including it here for his Grandma's benefit (she likes to hear what her grandkids have to say) but you can read it if you want to.

A mother held her new baby
and very slowly
rocked him back and forth,
back and forth,back and forth.
And while she held him,
she sang: (and yes the son sang)
I'll love you forever,
I'll like you for always,
As long as I'm living
my baby you'll be.

Of course, I have been asked to speak about mothers on this special day, but more specifically I was asked to speak about my own mom. This may seem like an easy topic, but I have struggled over what to say for a while. Brother Jones told me when he asked me to speak that this talk should make my mother cry. I immediately started thinking of times that I have not followed my mom's counsel and the tragedies that happened as a result, which often made her cry. Then I realized that I am probably supposed to be making her cry tears of joy. So, I have been trying to figure out what it was that I could say to my mother to portray to her the profound effect she has had on my life. Rudyard Kipling once wrote, “God could not be everywhere and therefore he made mothers”. I have a firm testimony that this is true. There is nobody on this earth that has influenced my life as much as my mother. I could not ask for a better example. In an article written by Thomas S. Monson, he referenced ten suggestions given to mothers by President Ezra Taft Benson. I would like to analyze these traits and how my mother has accomplished or strives to accomplish each of these things

the first is "Take time to always be at the crossroads in the lives of your children, whether they be six or sixteen." As I think back over the major events in my life, there are always familiar faces in the crowd, including my mothers, but as I think of some of the seemingly more minor events, there is still one face that stands out, that of my mother.

2. "Take time to be a real friend to your children." As hard as it is to believe, there was a time in my life, that I thought my mother's sole purpose in this world was to cause me as much embarrassment as possible, when this happens, especially around friends, you tend to take on a macho attitude of I don’t need you. Even through this phase, my mother never gave up trying to be my friend, trying to find out how she could make my life better. As I have grown older, I have tried harder to reciprocate that friendship, and now I have what I feel is a strong relationship with my mother. Are there still things I don’t want to tell her, sure, there are some things that I don’t want to share. Chalk that one up to human nature. However, I do know that I can tell her anything and she would be there with her unwavering love and support.

3. "Take time to read to your children." Remember what the poet wrote: You may have tangible wealth untold; Caskets of jewels and coffers of gold. Richer than I you can never be— I had a mother who read to me. The beginning of my talk came from the first story that I can remember my mother reading to me. My children at work have recently discovered this book, and every time they ask me to read it to them I can still hear my mom’s voice,

“That teenager grew.
He grew and he grew and he grew.
He grew until he was a grown-up man.
He left home and got a house across town.
But sometimes on dark nights
the mother got into her car
and drove across town.
If all the lights in her son's house were out,
she opened his bedroom window,
crawled across the floor,
and looked up over the side of his bed.
If that great big man was really asleep
she picked him up
and rocked him back and forth,
back and forth, back and forth.
And while she rocked him she sang:
I'll love you forever,
I'll like you for always,
As long as I'm living
my baby you'll be.

4. "Take time to pray with your children."
This is a tricky one mostly because there are times that children feel there are more important things to do than pray, but parents often intervene and help to teach the importance of prayer. My own mother has shown me by example the importance and power of prayer, and it is a tool that I have grown to love. Although we are older, my mother still strives to ensure that our family gathers to pray each day.

5. "Take time to have a meaningful weekly home evening." Make this one of your great family traditions. Now if you asked my mother she may say that this is one of the chinks in her motherly armor. However I would submit that I learned the importance of family home evening somewhere, I feel that it was those nights as a child when we would have a lesson. I remember very vividly some the stories that where shared and the principles that were taught. I remember simply being to spend time with my family, and occasionally use the time to play Don’t Eat Pete. I learned from my mother’s example, why it is important to take time to strengthen the bonds of the family, and as I know contemplate having my own family, I know the importance of Family Home Evening.

6. "Take time to be together at mealtimes as often as possible." Growing up, it seems that we always ate dinner as a family, and then slowly but surely people got older, Jessica went off to college, our family dwindled, but we still ate with the remainder of our family. Then Janaya moved out, again our family shrunk but we that were left still ate dinner together. Now it seems that our own lives often take us to separate destinations at mealtime, but occasionally I get the joy of eating dinner with my whole family. A family that though once disintegrating now when all together requires extra space at the table, room for a brother-in-law, a fiancée, and an adopted sister, as well of all those family members that once went there own separate ways.

7. "Take time daily to read the scriptures together as a family." I don’t know if any of you have had the opportunity to read scriptures with Jayce when he would rather do something else, but I guarantee you that if my mom feels that it is important enough to read scriptures together even after dealing with that, there must be something to it. I am grateful that my mother would take the time to help her family search the scriptures even with such distractions.

8. "Take time to do things together as a family." I can still remember being dragged across this great state to have day trips with my family. There were times when I loved these trips, and times that I hated them. Looking back now, I see that they were simply a way of strengthening our family. A family that I am constantly grateful for, that has a strong adhesive in large part due to our mother. I can guarantee that nobody else in our family would have ensured that these trips were taken with all the complaining the occasionally accompanied them.

9. "Take time to teach your children." My mom writes a blog, and it is by far one of the better blogs I have an opportunity to read. One day as I was perusing, I noticed an entry that I will now share, it was titled back off. We had a ward talent show tonight and it was fun to get to go and enjoy some time with the other members of the ward. The hubby and I went as a two-some since all of our family members had other plans. I like to see our nursery children in settings other than nursery and see how they respond to me. I sat on the floor of the gym and played ball with one of them, and another one enjoyed sitting on my lap and melting ice cubes in his hands all over the two of us. They make me feel loved and important. It is kind of sad though that the nursery group that moved up to Sunbeams in January don't seem to want to be bothered by me any more. I started talking to one of the little boys and he held up his hand in front of him, in a stop sign, and firmly stated, "I'm in primary now." In other words, "Back Off. I've moved on and I don't need you to hold my hand or wipe my nose or dry my tears or build block towers for me to knock down or take me potty anymore. I am bigger now." It took me back for a moment and then it just made me laugh. For the rest of the night, when I would see him, I'd say "Oh, you're in Primary now." and then the two of us would both giggle about it.Backing Off is something that I have a very difficult time with. Just ask my husband and my kids. It is hard for me to see my own children, as they grow up, raising their hands signifying stop every now and then. So many of their words and actions and gestures seem to say "I'm bigger now and I don't need you". It always takes me back for a moment and their unintentional snubs are harder to laugh off than those of the nursery kids. It is kind of funny when you think about it. This is what we work for all of our children's growing up years. To raise responsible, independent, self-assured children who are capable of taking care of themselves. Who don't need their mommy to hold their hand or wipe there nose... When they are moving forward in this endeavor I should applaud and pat myself on the back not feel sad. And yet, there is something about not being needed that is a little unnerving. I do want my children to grow up. I do want them to be independent and self-assured and responsible. I do want them to have their own lives and their own friends and their own families and their own homes and their own dreams, but every once in a while I want them to remember that they still need me, even if it is only to wipe their tears when someone knocks their tower down or to share their joy when they get it to stand up tall and steady.Message to my children - I love you. I am learning to let go, but sometimes it is hard. Please be patient with me.
This is the comment that I shared after reading this blog, Please remember that all those unintentional snubs are really just pats on the back saying what a great mother you are. It is because of you that we are able to build our own towers, and find joy in the building of those towers. Also remember that the foundation of those towers is in your home, reinforced with your love, and should those towers happen to fall, the foundation will remain. That is what you have given us:) Through the teachings of my mother, I have become, the man I am today and I am sure that many of you can tell she didn’t do too shabby a job. I am not perfect, but I am far closer than I would be without her.

10. "Take time to truly love your children." A mother’s unqualified love approaches Christlike love. I know this to be true, there are so many times that I have made my mother’s life her own personal prison, regardless of my stupid choices, decisions that sometimes result in damage such as a hole in the wall, my mother shows over and over her love for me. Only my mother could take a hole in the wall, and turn it into a beautiful teaching opportunity.
President Hinckley shared this advice to mothers, “I hope that you will have every reason to be proud concerning your children, to have love for them, to have faith in them, to see them grow in righteousness and virtue before the Lord, to see them become useful and productive members of society. If with all you have done there is an occasional failure, you can still say, “At least I did the very best of which I was capable. I tried as hard as I knew how. I let nothing stand in the way of my role as a mother.” Failures will be few under such circumstances.” I want my mother to know how much she means to me. There are so many blessings in my life that stem directly from her being a part of it. I echo the sentiments of Abraham Lincoln who said, “All I am, or can be, I owe to my angel mother.”
I’d like to close with another portion of the book I began with.

Well, that mother, she got older.
She got older and older and older.
One day she called up her son and said,
"You'd better come see me
because I'm very old and sick."
So her son came to see her.
When he came in the door
she tried to sing the song.
She sang: I'll love you forever,
I'll like you for always...
But she couldn't finish
because she was too old and sick.
The son went to his mother.
He picked her up
and rocked her back and forth,
back and forth, back and forth.
And he sang this song:
I'll love you forever,
I'll like you for always,
As long as I'm living
my Mommy you'll be.
I say these things in the name of Jesus Christ, amen.

And yes I cried, just like it was a funeral, but I'm glad he said those nice things while I was still here to hear them.

P.S. If you are not familiar with the book "Love You Forever" by Robert Munsch you need to read it. It is one of my favorite children's books and, in my opinion, every family should have a copy of it.