We had a ward talent show tonight and it was fun to get to go and enjoy some time with the other members of the ward. The hubby and I went as a two-some since all of our family members had other plans. I like to see our nursery children in settings other than nursery and see how they respond to me. I sat on the floor of the gym and played ball with one of them, and another one enjoyed sitting on my lap and melting ice cubes in his hands all over the two of us. They make me feel loved and important. It is kind of sad though that the nursery group that moved up to Sunbeams in January don't seem to want to be bothered by me any more. I started talking to one of the little boys and he held up his hand in front of him, in a stop sign, and firmly stated, "I'm in primary now." In other words, "Back Off. I've moved on and I don't need you to hold my hand or wipe my nose or dry my tears or build block towers for me to knock down or take me potty anymore. I am bigger now." It took me back for a moment and then it just made me laugh. For the rest of the night, when I would see him, I'd say "Oh, you're in Primary now." and then the two of us would both giggle about it.
Backing Off is something that I have a very difficult time with. Just ask my husband and my kids. It is hard for me to see my own children, as they grow up, raising their hands signifying stop every now and then. So many of their words and actions and gestures seem to say "I'm bigger now and I don't need you". It always takes me back for a moment and their unintentional snubs are harder to laugh off than those of the nursery kids. It is kind of funny when you think about it. This is what we work for all of our children's growing up years. To raise responsible, independent, self-assured children who are capable of taking care of themselves. Who don't need their mommy to hold their hand or wipe there nose... When they are moving forward in this endeavor I should applaud and pat myself on the back not feel sad. And yet, there is something about not being needed that is a little unnerving. I do want my children to grow up. I do want them to be independent and self-assured and responsible. I do want them to have their own lives and their own friends and their own families and their own homes and their own dreams, but every once in a while I want them to remember that they still need me, even if it is only to wipe their tears when someone knocks their tower down or to share their joy when they get it to stand up tall and steady.
Message to my children - I love you. I am learning to let go, but sometimes it is hard. Please be patient with me.
Today I am thankful for
a ward family.
good food that I didn't have to prepare.
a husband who still likes to go places with me.
2 comments:
Please remember that all those unintentional snubs are really just pats on the back saying what a great mother you are. It is because of you that we are able to build our own towers, and find joy in the building of those towers. Also remember that the foundation of those towers is in your home, reinforced with your love, and should those towers happen to fall, the foundation will remain. That is what you have given us:)
I learn so much from your posts. It is nice to have good examples all around us. I was so touched by Jaron's comment. you have done a good job! I do understand the feeling of not being needed. My kids are still pretty young and in my home, but I see them growing up too quickly and it is difficult to be told to back off. I heard the other day that we are not raising children, we are raising adults.
Thank you for your example!
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