Missing Her

Two years ago today my mom passed away.

I am usually OK with her being gone.

Since we didn't live close to each other for the last 20 years of her life, at first I could just pretend that she was in Utah and I was in Arizona and think I would call her in a few days.

It made things easier.

However, for some reason, the past few days I have really been missing her.

When we came home from our Spring Break trip to San Diego I started thinking, "Last time we went to San Diego for Spring Break we came home and went to Utah for a funeral." The 2 trips are kind of connected in my mind. Just like the Spring Break Disneyland trip and my dad's funeral immediately after.

Perhaps I should do away with Spring Break trips to California.

Anyway, since we got home, my thoughts have kind of frequently drifted to my mom and the fact that she is definitely gone.

It's been long enough.

It's very real.

No more pretending she's sitting at her computer reading this blog post.

On Tuesday night we had Relief Society Temple night. We usually have it on the last Tuesday of the month but this month it got kicked up a week because next week our Stake has family week to prepare for General Conference and we are supposed to be home with our families.

It turned out to be a good thing because a sister who recently moved out of our ward went through the temple for her own endowments that evening and we could be there to support her.

It was a nice, but VERY FULL session.

During the session, I was looking down at my apron and thinking about my mom, who made it for me. There is a tiny spot on the embroidery floss in one place that I am pretty sure is her blood. She probably pricked her finger while she was stitching away. I look at it sometimes and I'm reminded of all the sacrifices that my mom made for me.

There are a lot of them to think about.

For some reason though this night, as my fingers traced that drop of blood, I was just filled with an overwhelming sense of loss.

I missed my mom so much.

I'm sure the friends seated on both sides of me wondered why I suddenly began to quietly cry.

I was anxious to reach the peace of the celestial room where I could sit and think and feel the closeness to my parents that I frequently feel there. The veil there seems thinner and eternity and the opportunity to see my mom and dad again seems closer.

However, once I entered the celestial room it was a place of joy and excitement and congratulations and it was wonderful, but not peaceful. Way too many people sharing their thoughts and feelings. I gathered with friends and then it was time to leave and I was the designated driver so I never got the opportunity to just sit and decompress and think and feel and be filled.

I need to go back and just sit and be still.

I know it will help.

I know I will see my loved ones again.

I know this is not the end.

I also know that sometimes it is just fine to feel sad.

To miss the people that I don't get to be with right now.

To wish I could just talk to my mom for a few minutes

and give her a hug

and get hugged in return.

I miss her and that's OK

and I took my moments to grieve this week

and that's OK too

and now I will pull myself up by my boot straps

and live the kind of life that my mom wants me to live

and the kind of life that will get me to where she is

and where I can be welcomed by her loving embrace.

That's what she would tell me to do if she were here

and that's what I'll do,

even when I miss her.

Today I am grateful for

the citrus blossom scent that fills the evening air when I walk outside.

a son that was grateful for me today.

a husband that washed the dishes.

Today I am grateful that

the youngest son didn't burn up in the burning building he practiced fire fighting in today.


photo by David H. Barehand

my youngest daughter remembered her grandma's birthday by putting flowers on her grave as she and her dad drove past.

my oldest son owns lots of movies that I can borrow when I am in a movie watching mood.

Homeless

Today my mom offically moved into an assisted living facility. It is a really nice place with beautiful private apartments, delicious meals served three times a day, and lots of fun activites to keep her entertained. When I took the tour with her back in July I was ready to move in too. It sounded that wonderful. She was ready for this change and is happy to have the move behind her.
I think this move was a good choice. It's lonely to live by yourself, especially when you have health challenges that make it difficult to get around and do some things for yourself. Mom was ready to have less responsiblility for a home and a yard. This change will also take some of the pressure off of the family members who live close to mom and have been helping her out for the last year. Her home is now much closer to my sister who has taken much of the responsiblility for mom upon herself. It is also closer to one brother and the same distance, in the opposite direction, from my other brother. This change will hopefully make life easier for everyone.
Mom is a very social person and I'm sure she will enjoy having other people around and things to look forward to each day. I am excited for her as she begins this new chapter in her life.
I am really happy about this change and feel good about it. I know it is the right decision for her and our family. Having said that and sincerely meaning it, I have been surprised at how emotional I have been about this move. I was thinking that perhaps this was because it happened quite quickly once she got all her ducks in a row (or got all her ducks moved to new homes as the case may be), but that still didn't really make sense to me. After much musing on this subject I finally realized where these tender feelings stem from. I have lived in Arizona for over 20 years and it pretty much feels like home to our family. My children don't really remember ever living anywhere else. My husband is an Arizona native and so this has always been home to him. However, there is a part of me that still considers Utah home. It was where I spent the first almost 30 years of my life. It was where I learned to talk like a hick. It holds a lot of wonderful memories, milestones and landmarks for me. Arizona is now where I live, and home in many ways, but I have always known that if I ever needed a Utah fix. If I ever needed to experience seasons. If I ever wanted to go back to my roots, my mom's house would always have an open door and was only a 10 to 12 hour drive away. One long day in a car and I could be "home". Apparently that knowledge has been a bigger comfort to me than I realized. Suddenly I feel homeless even though I am sitting in my own home.

Today I am thankful for

family members who worked hard to make mom's move as smooth as possible.
a dad who planned and provided for my mom's future.
wonderful memories of home.

One year ago today - Get a Clue!

My Mother's Daughter

Every once in a while I see my mother in me.
I hear her voice in my head when I bake
and when I sew.
"All it needs now is a bow."
"Everything tastes better with a few nuts."
I see her influence in my finished projects.
Although I have no where near the skill
that she has for making quilts
when it was time to bind our Spring Break Quilt
I couldn't bring myself
to just fold the fabric over and sew it.
"It would look so much cuter with a nice binding."
That's how I ended up folding and sewing
lots of little white, pink and green points
around the edge.


In my defense, I already had most of the squares cut.
I do think it turned out cute.
Now we just have to wait
and see if the baby-to-be is a girl
or if the quilt gets put away again for a while
even though it's finally truly and completely DONE!

Today I am thankful for

sons (one leader, one participant) who happily go to their young men activities.
a daughter who gave her brother a ride home from school for me.
only one 100+ degree day this week.

Passing of the Notebook

I am very blessed to have two wonderful sisters with flexible schedules and big hearts who take turns, along with me, staying with my mom while she recovers from her recent health problems. One sister came from her home in Seattle while my mom was in the hospital and for the transfer to the rehabilitation center. She doesn't enjoy driving in the snow anymore than I do, but she did it to transport my mom to her new, temporary home. While she was here she started keeping a notebook with information about how mom was feeling, what medical procedures were being done on her, how she was eating... so she could pass the information on to us. My other sister continued making additions when the notebook, along with mom's care, was passed to her. Since mom has returned to her home the notebook entries have slowed down, but when I arrived I read through the notebook to catch up on what had transpired since I was here last month. It was interesting to read about mom's progress as her health improved and there were a few other interesting tidbits. One sister had made a notation about how the nurse had taught her an easy way to put mom's elastic hose on that made the process so much simpler, but that was all that was said. This morning as I was helping mom get dressed and I came to the socks I began to wish that the notebook had contained a little more detailed information. I commented about it to mom and she said, "Oh, it's easy. You just turn the socks inside out and they roll right on." That didn't sound too difficult so I jumped right in. I turned the socks inside out and then tried to figure out how to get them on so they ended up right. It definitely wasn't as simple as my mom made it sound. Things improved once I figured out that her toes weren't suppose to poke out of the hole at the end of the foot, but I still got a headache concentrating so hard on how in the world this was suppose to work. My mom teased me that she wished she had a camera so she could record my look of concentration and determination as I tried to figure it out. I think I am glad she didn't. We did get them on, but I'm still not sure how I finally did it. Hopefully tomorrow I'll remember what I did. Perhaps if I get it down right I can draw a diagram in the notebook as my contribution. I am also thinking there are a few other things that need to be recorded in the notebook such as how long that cream cheese, bacon, milk,... has actually been open in the fridge and maybe the last time the plants were watered. I just watered the plants, so I guess I better go write in the notebook.

Today I am thankful for

a fireplace. It's so fun to sit next to my mom's fireplace and enjoy the warmth and a good book.
physical therapy that gives my mom something to get up for.
pancakes!

Christmas Pillows

While my mom was waiting for her radiation and chemotherapy treatments to begin she decided that she needed a project to take her mind off of what was ahead of her. She came up with a plan to make Christmas pillows for all of her children and their families for Christmas. She visited every cloth store in the valley collecting fabric for this major undertaking. Then she cut all the material into little pieces and tried to figure out how to sew the resulting pieces back together into pillows.

My dad always used to give my mom a hard time about this every time she started a project. "Why do you cut it all up and then sew it all back together? Couldn't you just leave it in one piece to start with?" Really. What would be the fun in that?

I arrived at her house 3 weeks into her cancer treatments and toward the tail end of the pillow construction. She and my sister had spent many, many hours sewing and stuffing and stuffing and sewing almost 100 pillows. Some of them had already been delivered and some were waiting in boxes for me to tape and take to the Post Office to be mailed.

I was glad that I could play a small part in this Christmas event and I was able to get all 5 boxes mailed after only one failed attempt. The first time I went to the Post Office was Monday afternoon (December 15th) at about 4:45 PM. There wasn't a single parking spot and the line was weaving out the front door. I decided that one day wouldn't make that big a difference in their delivery time and turned around and went home. When I went back at 10:00 the next morning, I walked right up to the counter. I was glad I had waited and I don't think my mom was too disappointed in me.

Here are some of the pillows that were still around when I arrived.

The woodsman Santas for my sister and her roommate who chose these because they reminded them of their Alaskan cruise that they took this year. I think they shared a few of them with my mom's sister, who has a cabin in the woods that needed some Santas.

The elf set that were made for my family. My sister insisted that mom really needed to use the green pom poms that she found in the sewing closet since they were just the right color and my mom sewed and muttered under her breath to fulfill her wishes. I do think the pom poms are cute. These are the ones that were divided between my girls.

The 3 on the stool were for 3 of the great granddaughters. The bottom one is flannel and oh so soft. It has old fashioned pictures on it that reminded me of the Dick and Jane books that I learned to read out of. The middle one has a really cute snowman on it. We had a hard time coming up with some fabric to go on the edges and back, but it turned out great once we dug deep enough and found the red and black check hiding in the closet. The pillows on the floor are mine. I helped pick out this Mary Englebreit Santa fabric after I arrived, but my mom said she wouldn't be mean and make me stuff my own pillows so she stuffed and sewed them all by herself. I did end up stuffing 13 pillows into the extra suitcase that I brought to Utah to get them home though. I'm sure that counts for something.

I am glad that my mom is willing to deal with life's challenges in a positive and productive way. She isn't going to lay in bed and feel sorry for herself, even though she might have a good excuse to do just that. She is such a good example to her 5 children (and their spouses), 22 grandchildren (and more spouses) and 24 great grandchildren of taking what life gives you and making the best of it. Hopefully we will remember this wonderful attribute she possesses each year when we pull out our Christmas pillows to decorate and brighten our homes. I know I will!

Today I am thankful for

a mom who has always been a good example to me.
a Christmas program at church to remind me why we celebrate Christmas.
a husband who is willing to pick up the slack and fulfill my church callings for me while I am in Utah.

Sandbakels

When I was growing up,
every year at Christmas time
my mom would make Sanbakels.
These are a traditional Norwegian butter cookie
pressed into tins of various designs and baked.


On my holiday visits home,
since I have grown up
and started my own family,
I can always count on a Tupperware bowl
filled with Sanbakels waiting to be enjoyed.


Every year when Christmas rolls around,
and I am far away from my mom,
I get this urge to make my own Sanbakels.
The only problem with this idea
is that I own approximately 3 Sanbakel tins.
At the rate of 3 cookies baked every 15 minutes
it would take me an entire day
to bake a batch of Sanbakels.
I quickly become discouraged
given these statistics.
One year I searched every store
I could think of looking for Sanbakel tins
with no luck at all.
Another year I found them online,
but the shipping time
would have resulted in their arrival in mid January.
I have no desire to make Sanbakels in January.
Now, I know I should have just purchased them
and I would have had them the next year
when I decided I wanted Sanbakels,
but chances are I would have forgotten
where I put them by then.
(Like the package of 10 tins
that I vaguely remember buying
at a thrift store
possibly within the past 3 years.)

This year I decided while I was in Utah
helping my mom get through chemo and radiation
and with all of her Sanbakel tins at my disposal
I was going to bake Sanbakels.
I pulled out the tins


and the recipe
dictated by my mom
from my Grandma Christiansen.

Sanbakels

1 heaping cup of sugar
1 # butter
3 eggs
1 t almond flavoring
flour

That's it.

I had never actually gotten to the recipe part
of baking Sanbakels before.
I've always been stuck on finding the tins.
When I looked at this recipe it raised a few questions.
I do know what heaping means,
but if you can only find a 1/2 cup measuring cup
do you fill it heaping both times??
I was smart enough to figure out
that the # means pound
and I know that 4 sticks of butter make a pound.
(That's a lot of butter).
Anyone who passed home economics
knows that the lower case t stands for teaspoon.
However, the flour was a little trickier.
Flour - that's pretty vague.
My mom seemed to think
that maybe she used about 4 cups.
"You just keep adding flour
until it feels right."
Right.
Then the lack of a temperature
and a cooking time made me a little nervous.
Most things bake at 350 degrees so we'll go with that.
My mom and I did differ a little on the time though.
She kept telling me that my cookies weren't brown enough,
but I don't like my Sanbakels brown.
Sorry hubby, no offense meant, but I made pale Sanbakels.


They taste just like Christmas to me.
All I need now is some of Aunt Rose's Hot Punch
to wash them down.

Today I am thankful for

Childhood memories that make me feel happy.
A reminder of my Grandma Christiansen and my Norwegian ancestors.
Snow outside that makes baking cookies a lot more inviting.

If You're Missing Baby Jesus

Tonight my brother and sister-in-law and 3 of their sons brought dinner to my mom's house and came to share family home evening with us. It never ceases to amaze me how much better food tastes when someone else does the cooking. My sister-in-law made wheat chili which sounds kind of strange but was actually quite good. She told me the recipe, but I can't remember what all was in it. According to her youngest son poison was very likely one of the ingredients and it possibly could have killed me, but I'm still alive so I don't think that was on the list.

The mother of the family had brought a book to read for our lesson. It was called "If You're Missing Baby Jesus" by Jean Gietzen and although apparently all of my extended family are familiar with the story, it was one that I hadn't heard before. It is based on a true experience from the author's childhood. Her mother had purchased a Nativity set that year and when she set it up at home there were 2 baby Jesus figures. The mom and the children really worried about the set that was missing the most important part and the person that purchased it and how sad they would be. Finally the mom went to the store and asked them to post a sign with her phone number to call if anyone was missing baby Jesus. The story tells about what happened when someone finally calls. It was a sweet, touching story and my sister-in-law had to pass the book off to her eldest son when she got a little emotional as she was reading it. He finished off the story and of course I cried and was touched by the message that this book shared. However, as often is the case at our Family Home Evenings, someone had to bring up the fact that this child and her siblings were allowed to ride in the back of a pickup truck in below freezing temperatures and that perhaps the parents should have been charged with child abuse. I guess it is nice to know that my home is not the only one where attempts at feeling the spirit and keeping it around for a while are thwarted by a silly boy. I personally enjoyed the story and got much more out of it than a desire to call CPS. Sometimes I feel like my Christmas Season is missing the most important part of the celebration. It's always good to be reminded of the real spirit of Christmas, which is the spirit of Christ. If you haven't read this book you might want to add it to your Christmas collection. A version of the story is available here.

This story reminded me of a friend's blog that I read today and her nephew's insightful placement of the figures in her Nativity Sets. I too want to be close to Jesus and I am glad that Christmas gives me so many little reminders of Him and His love for me.

We ended our fun evening with chocolate chip bar cookies. Mom even got a candle in hers in honor of her upcoming birthday.


Today I am thankful for

reminders of why I celebrate Christmas.
dinner made by someone else.
opportunities to spend time with family I don't get to see as often as I would like.

Pay Back

So, all you parents out there, have your children ever said something or done something and in the back of your mind you think, "I hope someday you have a child just like you and then you will realize just how I felt today."? I know I have and I would guess a few of you have as well. I am definitely sure my mom felt that way about me on more than one occasion. Take for instance one particular circumstance I have been thinking about for the last couple of days.

My third year at BYU I had a couple of roommates who were from Las Vegas. Well, Thanksgiving was fast approaching and I was invited by these roommates to go to Nevada with them for the holiday. Now, I might not have been as tempted to accept this invitation, except at the same time I found out that my sister and her family were going to be in Las Vegas visiting her husband's brother for Thanksgiving. I was excited to have an adventure, as well as have the opportunity to see my one and only niece, my nephews and my sister and brother-in-law, of course. I informed my mom of my decision and she didn't seem to be nearly as excited as I was. At the time I couldn't really understand why she didn't think it was a wonderful idea. I did go to Vegas and had a lot of fun and enjoyed seeing family and hanging out with friends. It is a Thanksgiving memory that stands out in my mind, probably because it was out of the norm.

Well, this year I am getting pay back from my youngest daughter. She decided that she wanted to go to Snowflake, AZ with her roommate for Thanksgiving rather than spend the holiday with her somewhat routine family. I probably wasn't nearly as excited about the idea as she was (I might have been more excited if she had actually told me). I don't necessarily begrudge her the chance for new adventures, but I will miss having her here with me for the day. As I have gotten older and had my own children, I have come to better understand how my mom probably felt on that long ago November day. It is somewhat bitter sweet to watch my children grow up and begin to prefer someone else's company to my own. I think also, as the years pass, I begin to realize that the "family" holidays, that I have pretty much taken for granted, are going to be fewer and farther between. This year not only is this daughter missing, but the other daughter has gone to Gallup, New Mexico to spend the day with the husband's family there and the oldest son is visiting his fiancee's family dinner before he makes an appearance at his aunt's house for our Thanksgiving. Add to that equation a husband that can't walk without groaning, a head cold that won't go away, and a son who also has a cold and is ready to boycott Thanksgiving this year and I would say that the part of our family attending our "family" festivities has less than a festive attitude.

Does this mean I am not thankful? Not at all! I am so grateful for all of the many blessings which are mine. I am so lucky to have all of my children living close to me (or with me) so that I get to see them all of the time, and not just on special occasions. I am so blessed to get to spend Thanksgiving with my husband's large extended family because that means there will always be lots of food and I only have to cook a little bit of it. I am grateful that in this time of economic termoil that I have enough and to spare. I have wonderful memories of lots and lots of past Thanksgivings spent with family and friends. I have a telephone and the internet so I can communicate with the family members I can't be with today and share my gratitude for them with them. It truly is a very Happy Thanksgiving, even if I don't feel festive.

Happy Thanksgiving to you too!

Canyon Colors

My mom kept telling me that I needed to do something fun before I went home. She seems to think that all I have done while I was here is work. I don't feel like I have worked very hard. I have done my fair share of laundry and I have cooked a few meals, but I'm not sure that constitutes hard work. The washing machine basically does the work for me and cooking isn't bad at all when the recipients are appreciative.

Since today'was my last day in Utah I had to decide what fun thing I wanted to do. I chose to go on an Autumn leave hunt up the canyon. My mom and my sister decided they could handle that much fun so they accompanied me. My hunt was sucessful and I had lots of fun!

These leaves were just as we entered Payson canyon, pretty close to home. More evidence that Fall is quickly approaching.

This picture was taken from the trailhead to the Grotto, where our family went hiking when we were in Utah this summer. I didn't do any hiking, but I did get out to take a few pictures. We were all surprised that the quaking Aspens, at the top of the mountain, were all still green. There were a lot more colored leaves down lower than there were up high.

My mom has a Fall screen saver on her computer with beautiful yellow trees lining both sides of the road and piles of yellow leaves on the ground. I told her that that was what I was looking for before we left home. These leaves weren't quite as abundant as the ones on her computer, but it was still a very pretty scene. I took this picture in Santaquin Canyon on the way down.

It's a good thing I wasn't trying to do any real hunting on this drive. The deer kept disappearing before I could get my camera situated to "shoot" them. I could have picked off a lot of grazing cows, but I don't think their owners would have appreciated that too much.

I loved being able to actually see Autumn leaves for a change. It was a beautiful and fun trip, much better than cooking or doing laundry.

Today I am thankful for

the time I have been able to spend with my mom and other family members for the past 10 days.
my mom's recovery - even though it is progressing slower than she would like.
people that appreciate my cooking.

Unwelcome News

My mom had a follow-up appointment with her doctor today to have some of her stitches taken out, her catheter removed (hooray!) and to get the results from the tests on her lymph nodes. The good news was that 9 out of 10 of her lymph nodes were cancer free. The bad news was that one of the lymph nodes had a cancerous tumor in it, which means that she will need to start radiation treatment as soon as she is completely healed from the surgery. She will probably be having radiation 5 days a week for 6 to 8 weeks, but not until at least November.

This was not the news we had been hoping to hear, but we are grateful that there are medical procedures that can hopefully stop the progression of the cancer in her body.

Perhaps I'll get to come back to Utah to welcome in Winter as well as Fall.

Breaking Dawn

Well, I can now say I read it.
I can't say I loved it
but I won't say I hated it.
I guess I feel o.k. about how things ended up
for Jacob as well as Bella and Edward.
My advice to you though
is don't read this book
when you are emptying lymph node fluid
from your mother's lymph node drains.
It is way too unsettling.

My Mom's Flowers

My mom has always worked hard
to have a garden or 2 or 3 of beautiful flowers.
At our house on the hill in Heber
my mom had rock gardens
full of pretty flowers
tucked in beds
surrounded by rocks
hauled from the hot pots
in nearby Midway.
Every evening she would go outside
and water her flowers.
I think this was her quiet time.
Her time to think and
to appreciate the fruits of her labors.
At the time I didn't really understand
what she found so enjoyable about
standing over the garden
with a hose every night
but now I think I am
beginning to figure it out.
It's nice to look at something
you have created
from almost nothing
and see it flourish.
It's rewarding to be a part of
making Heavenly Father's world
a more beautiful place.

My mom is a good example to me
of being creative and
making her little corner of the world
a nicer place.
Even though she doesn't feel good
most of the time
she keeps busy sewing
or quilting
or crocheting
or knitting
or doing geneology.
After her surgery
the nurse's instructions
from the doctor were
"Don't just lay in bed
all the time"
so she is adamate that she
needs to be up and doing something.
Although I think it is o.k.
to act sick for a little while
following cancer surgery
I do admire her for her detemination
to not let this bump in the road
keep her from accoplishing
the things she desires.


I could learn a lot from her.
Perhaps I'll go home and
plant a Fall garden.

Today I am thankful for

a mom who is a good example to me.
happy childhood memories.
A new baby boy in the family born to my niece yesterday.

The Waiting Game

Today my mom had her surgery. She got up early and was ready to go by 8:00 AM and then we had to come up with something to do until it was time to drive across the street to the hospital for her 10:30 scheduled arrival time. She couldn't even use up some time eating breakfast since she had to fast. Just when we were getting tired of staring at each other my brother and my sister-in-law (my other brother's wife) arrived to give us someone new to look at. They had decided they wanted to hear what the doctor had to say and they also didn't want me to be waiting all alone. I appreciated their support and I'm sure mom did too.

When we arrived at the hospital they went to the waiting area and I stayed with mom to get all the paperwork filled out and the last minute tests conducted. Then we were escorted back to a curtained off cubicle and a reclining hospital chair to wait for it to be mom's turn. We waited and waited and waited. We talked about everything we could think of to talk about. We analyzed the interior decorating. We were fans of the clouds painted on the florescent light covers, but weren't at all sure that the fire engine red outlet covers went with the color scheme. We tried to decide if they glowed if the power went out, but then we decided it really wasn't important to know where the outlets were if you didn't have any electricity. We discussed the merits of hospital gowns and fuzzy socks. We tried to guess how much a hospital gown designer gets paid. I read the Outdoor Life magazine and learned that the life span of a frog can be as long as 39 years. Finally my mom's doctor and the oncologist who was assisting him dropped in to explain what they were going to do and to tell her the operating room was almost ready and then we waited some more. About noon they finally wheeled my mom to surgery and I went to the waiting room to wait some more.

Waiting made us all hungry so we decided to visit the hospital cafeteria for lunch. We all had turkey and I had a baked potato with mine. It was actually very good hospital food. Then we went back to wait a while longer. The doctor came out about 2:30 to tell us that the surgery and had gone well and what they had done and what to expect. He showed us with his hands the size of the patch of skin and tissue they had removed. It was about the size of a checkbook box. I'm not sure where they found that much flesh to cut out. He said they would keep mom until she was alert and then they would move her to her room on the 2nd floor. He told us to go upstairs in about an hour so we waited some more in the waiting room and then we headed for the elevator. The sign in the elevator said that the 2nd floor was Labor and Delivery and we weren't sure that was where my mom was really going to show up, but we got off and asked the nurses and they assured us that we were in the right place. They directed us to her room and we waited some more. About 4:00 my mom arrived in her room and we spent the next couple of hours listening to the alarms go off on her monitor while they tried to get her oxygen level and blood pressure stabilized and she tried to get comfortable with her entire body tied up to various machines and tubes.

My hand holders left about 6:30 or 7:00 and I went and bought my mom her fresh raspberry shake (which was her reward for being a good girl all day). We are grateful that our family has strong stomachs and don't throw up following surgery. The nurse told her she could have the shake once we were sure she could hold down food and she was anxious to get it after her not so delicious dinner of beef broth, herbal tea, water and a protein juice drink.

It was a long day of waiting but things seemed to go well and hopefully the problem is taken care of. Now we just have to wait for the report on the lymph nodes. More waiting.

Today I am thankful for

skilled doctors who can remove cancer from our bodies.
a brother and sister-in-law to keep me company and buy me lunch.
other people's opinionated kids who remind me that mine are normal.

In the News

We get the newspaper in my home because of me.

I am the one who orders it

and I am the one who reads it.

My mom is a newspaper reader

so I must get it from her.

She sometimes reads the newspaper back to front

and I use to laugh at her because of it.

Now sometimes I catch myself

reading the newspaper back to front.

Recently my newspaper made some changes

and the front page is now

"magazine" style instead of "newspaper" style.

I didn't like it at first.

It bugged me.

Now I like it better though

because it is easier to read that way.

Especially when you are sitting in a chair

and not at a table.

Now it bugs me that the rest of the newspaper

is still newspaper style.

Another thing that bugs me is that the comics

and the Sudoku puzzle

are now in the sports section.

I read the newspaper.

My sons read the sports section

and it has a habit of disappearing.

Actually, it doesn't disappear.

I know exactly where it is -

on the floor in their bathroom.

It just makes it more difficult for me

to read that section

(and do MY sudoku)

when it's not with the rest of the paper.

There are certain parts of the paper

that I read in depth,

parts where I browse the headlines and

parts that I pretty much ignore.

This morning I had read most of my newspaper

and I had learned some interesting things

and had had some profound thoughts.

If underwear is worn as outerwear,

which is apparently the new trend,

does it then cease to be underwear?

What do we call it then?

If the minorities in the US

become the majority of its citizens

then are they still considered minorities?

Today the National Archives released

the OSS (Office of Strategic Services)

personnel files of 24,000 individuals

who served the US in an international spy ring
during World War II.

This organization was a precursor to the CIA.

Some of the names on the list

were famed chef Julia Childs

(the oldest son performed

a very entertaining impersonation

of "Julia the Spy"

after I shared this information with him.),

supreme court justice Arthur Goldberg,

and two of President Theodore Roosevelt's sons,

Quentin and Kermit.

I get a laugh out of "Kermit the Spy".

For some reason I picture him wearing green

and infiltrating Ireland.

The average valley household in the Phoenix area spends $693 on alcohol in a year.

I wonder where my $693 dollars went?

I certainly didn't spend it on alcohol.

I probably spent it on diet soda. Is that any better?

Cindy McCain suffered a mild sprain to her wrist

when someone was a little zealous

in the hand shaking on the campaign trail.

We need to get her coming to a Mormon church

to build up those hand shaking muscles.

A father accidentally ran over his daughter.

Sad, but it sometimes happens,

just usually not when the daughter is 21 years old.

Makes the "accidental" part

a tiny bit harder to believe

for a mother of adult children.

I learned a new term - Staycation.

This is when gas costs so much that you choose

to have your vacation very close to home.

I was just finishing up my reading and

getting ready to do MY sudoku

when the eldest son absconded with the sports section.

Since I was feeling lazy and

not wanting to do anything productive

I decided to read some of the newspaper

that I don't frequently read

while I waited for him to finish.

I chose the Legal Notices.

Who really reads the legal notices?

I hope John Doe does

because almost everyone of them pertains to him.

How do you think "John Doe"

became the fictitious name of choice?

Do you think there are any

actual John Does in the world?

Why in the legal notices are

women referred to as "John" Doe as well?

I also hope dead people read the legal notices

because if Clarence King (deceased)

fails to personally appear

at the appointed time and place,

without good cause

(is being dead considered good cause?),

his parent/child relationship

with his children will be terminated.

Wasn't there an angel named Clarence

that appeared somewhere

to someone once?

Maybe it's the same person and

he'll make an appearance in court too.

How can a corporation be a foreign corporation

if it was incorporated in New Mexico?

The name of said corporation is

Double M Mud Company

and the character of the business

it initially intends to conduct in Arizona is

"any and all lawful business

in which corporations may engage."

Sounds kind of broad to me.

What kind of business

does the Double M Mud Company actually run?

I don't think I would be so curious

if I hadn't read something

in another newspaper the other day.

In the AU-AUTHUM ACTION NEWS

(the Salt River Pima/Maricopa

Indian Community paper)

there was an article entitled

"Back in the days..."

The reporter had interviewed

some of the Elders (Senior Citizens) in the community

about what life was like when they were growing up.

I found this paragraph intriguing

"Mud was a delicacy;

when asked about it these women all said

it was 'good'.

Eschief said, 'My mom only liked the new mud.

Not just any old mud,

but the one after the rains

would drench the creeks and then dry up.

This is when it would taste like chocolate'.".

I think the Double M stands for Double Mint

and they are going to start selling

mud "chocolate" bars,

but not just any old mud - foreign New Mexico mud.

Keep your eyes open for them

the next time you go shopping.

I also learned,

while my son was reading the sports section to me,

(don't you hate it when

people read the newspaper to you

when you really just want to read it yourself?)

that I cannot say

"White Water River Rafting"

five times fast.

Heck, I can hardly say it one time slow.

It comes out

"White Water Wiver Wafting" every time.

This son has to make Wiver Wafting comments

every time he sees me now.

Try it. It's fun to say.

The last thing I gleaned from today's newspaper,

once I got the sports section back,

was that perhaps some professional athletes really are

as intellectually deficient as is sometimes said.

When Jose Calderon Manuel,

who plays for the NBA Toronto Raptors,

was asked about the publicity photos taken of

the Olympic basketball Men's

and Women's teams from Spain

in which they all made "slant-eyed gestures"

his comment was

"We felt it was something appropriate

and that it would be interpreted

as an affectionate gesture."

See what I mean.

Not so bright.

I guess it's now very definite

that I will never be a professional athlete.

I've gotten too darn smart

from reading the newspaper.

Siblings

This is a picture that we took tonight

of my mom, my brothers,

my sisters and me.

These are the same people about 48 years ago. I definitely think I have changed the most. Can you tell who's who?

Dominos

My mom likes to play games. She says she doesn't know why because she never wins, but regardless - she likes to play games and so we usually play games a few times whenever we visit. Today we decided to play Dominos. I never really played Dominos when I was growing up. My mom taught us how one year when we came on vacation. I learned the game from her, but today she kept telling us we didn't play the way she plays. She taught us how to play. How can we play different? Anyway, we had a fun afternoon together trying to outsmart one another. I don't know why I like to play games either. I never win. Today I am grateful for the time I get to spend with my mom and other family members. a fridge with an ice maker and a water dispenser. lunch at the Brick Oven.

Up the canyon

Today we took a little trip up Payson canyon to enjoy nature and the cooler temperatures. We all, including mom, managed to fit into our van. It's good that the newlyweds like to sit very close. Our first stop was at the Grotto for an "easy" hike. One family member questioned this rating but it was relatively flat for the most part and only .3 miles long. The last time we made this hike (more than 10 years ago) my brother was the leader of the pack and led us up the wrong trail to start with and then the actual trail was in need of some major improvements so the trek took quite a while. They have really improved the path with log bridges and a wider trail so I thought the trip was much easier this time around. The pool and waterfall at the end was definitely worth the trip. We had to share the limited sitting rocks with some other visitors, but managed to spend some enjoyable time there. My youngest son demonstrated his rock climbing ability and climbed up to the top of the waterfall and I was impressed. He and the daughter and son-in-law then took the trail up to the top and got to look down on us all, literally and not just figuratively speaking this time. We left mom in the van reading her book while we hiked and even though we were parked in a cattle crossing she was still there when we returned. She said the largest creature she saw was a fly. We continued up the canyon and down the Santaquin side. We stopped at Tiney Flats for a picnic and potty break. I enjoyed both immensely. After we finished eating, mom and I were content to sit and appreciate the cool breeze and the beautiful scenery. The people under 25 weren't quite so happy. The fact that you can't get cell phone service when you are sitting between two very tall mountains really bothered the sons. They were certain they were missing some very vital text messages. My mom asked why they were in such a hurry to leave. She said "When we get home we will just have to work." The sons told her, "You don't have to work, you just choose to work." When we started expounding on why someone had to work ie. to pay the bills, wash the clothes, prepare food... They said, "Well of course the moms and dads have to work. That's a given." How is that choosing? If the hubby and/or I didn't choose to work, would someone else pick up the slack?? Sometimes I don't think life is very fair! It was a fun trip, even if I did have to leave before I was completely ready. I chose not to work when we got home and we still all survived. The oldest son took us all to the Polar Queen, his favorite Utah restaurant, for dinner tonight (so none of us would have to work). He and I really like their Fish and Chips. The chips are English fries and yummy. We were disappointed when we got there and found out that they no longer sell English fries. It was a sad, sad moment. Today I am grateful for Trees - I love trees. They are so green and provide shade that makes it cool. Canyons - that are close enough to drive up in just a few minutes and feel the temperature drop 15 degrees. My minivan - it is nice to have a vehicle that we can all fit in together even if some of us are a little squished.