Moving Forward

The first 5 days of Shad's chemo are behind him.  He has done amazingly well and to quote one of the nurses, "handled it like a rock star."  He is still eating fairly well, drinking lots and acting like Shad.  We are all very pleased and extremely grateful.  He should now have a 2 week break and then start chemo again.

Today the big news was the possibility of everyone going home on Friday.  This is both exciting and frightening at the same time.  Shad's response to the announcement was, "No thank you. I will just stay here."    I think in some ways that would describe the oldest daughter's feelings as well.

While the hospital is not really where anyone wants to stay forever, it does come with it's perks.  It is a safe, isolated, somewhat predictable enviroment that is stocked with all the necessary supplies and conveniently located to all the doctors, medications and equipment that Shad might have need of.  It comes complete with trained professionals to handle any problems that may arise, consistent food delivery and a competent and entertaining cleaning lady to top it all off. Shad is enjoying the special order menu and almost unlimited movie watching time and the McDonalds in the basement is also a nice addition.

Performance expectations are pretty low for mom and Shad most of the time in the hospital. Mom has been handling her supporting role exceptionally well and has gotten used to the routine of just being the observer, cheerleader and hugger while the doctors and  nurses do their jobs. Going home thrusts mom into the driver's seat as primary caregiver and this job comes with a lot of unknowns and new responsibilities in addition to all of the usual household chores that will still need to be done.  It seems a little overwhelming even before you add in all the trips to the doctor that will be necessary.

CHANGE IS HARD (that's why the grandson has been wearing the same socks for 5 days now), but it's time to be moving forward and forward we will go.

Tomorrow I get to move forward all the way back to Arizona.  Leaving the hospital, ie. Shad and his family, is hard for me too.  Really hard.

Good news though while we are on the topic of moving forward.  We are proud of the son-in-law who found out this week that he passed the test to became an E5.  I'm not totally sure what all this entails, but it is a rank advancement that brings him more responsibility and more money and means he is moving forward in his chosen career.  Way to Go!

Today I am thankful

for a promised visit from Shad's friend Lily tonight.  It got him to do a lot of things he didn't want to do today.  I'm also thankful that he handled the disappointment well when Lily's mom and dad finally arrived, but without Lily. Apparently she got a runny nose and had to stay home.

for Kevin and Casey - I finally got to meet this infamous couple tonight and they are as wonderful as I had heard.  They came bearing gifts, a jar of pickles for Shad and a celebration cake for daddy complete with E (a backwards 3) 5 candles. They brought some needed frivolity and light into our evening and both of the treats were enjoyed immensely.

for insurance that pays for Shad's expensive medication and the equipment he will need to have in order to go home.

that Shad put his brace on and sat in a chair several times today.  Wearing the brace and becoming more mobile is the next big step for him and he was very brave even though it wasn't what he wanted to do.

P.S. While you are keeping your eyes peeled for an ambulance could you look for a moving van too?  They just might need one to get all the stuff home that they are accumulating.

Spanish Fork Bank Breakdown

In the fall of 1975 my family was in the process of moving from Heber City, Utah to Spanish Fork, Utah. My dad had been transferred to the Spanish Fork branch of First Security Bank and he and my mom had decided to build a new house a few blocks away from the bank after failing to find a home in the area that they wanted to purchase. When it came time for school to start my brother was a freshman at BYU and I was a junior in high school. It was determined that even though our house possibly wouldn't be completed until the start of 1976, I should begin the school year at Spanish Fork High School. This was not a very popular decision with me. I was still technically living in Heber, where all of my friends were, but spent most of my days in Spanish Fork, where I knew no one and I didn't like it.

Each morning we would arise early and my dad, my brother and I would head down Provo Canyon. My brother was dropped off at BYU and then my dad and I would continue on to Spanish Fork where he would deposit me at the High School before going on to the bank. I usually rode in the back seat of the car where it was easy to go back to sleep until we arrived in SF. I can still vividly remember the sound of the tires crossing over the cattle guard at the foot of the Spanish Fork freeway exit. That dreaded noise indicated that it was time to sit up and face a new day of anonymity at my new school when all I wanted to do was continue sleeping or go back home. When the school day finally ended I would walk the 2 blocks to the bank where I would check in with my dad, if he wasn't helping a customer, and then I would take up residence in the employee lounge in the basement of the bank until 5:30 or 6:00 PM when my dad could leave work.

As this daily schedule continued I began to feel that the bank was my home away from home. There were frequently treats on the lounge table that I could indulge in and always a pot of coffee percolating on the counter. I have never drunk coffee in my life, but that smell seemed very comforting to me for some reason, and made the little space seem almost homey. As I would sit and do my homework or read a book, the bank employees would wander in and out and ask me about school or my day. There were several women who were especially kind to me and I began to look forward to my visits with them. As I entered the bank in the afternoon I could always count on being greeted warmly by someone as I passed through on my way to the stairs. The bank started to become a place where I felt like I belonged, while I often spent the rest of the day trying to figure out where I fit in. I would still have preferred to be a Wasatch Wasp, but my time at the bank made the thought of becoming a Spanish Fork Don a little less painful.

At the end of December my family finally moved from Heber, where we had sold our home, and took up temporary residence in Payson, Utah with my Grandpa since our house still wasn't finished. Now that we actually lived in Utah County, my days at the bank became fewer and further apart since my mom or my brother could usually pick me up as soon as school got out. Then in February of 1976 we finally became official Spanish Fork residents and my afternoons at the bank became a thing of the past. However, every time I visited the bank, I still felt like I was welcomed as a member of the family and I continued to feel like this was a place where I belonged.

Fast forward 35 years - I haven't lived in Spanish Fork for close to 30 years, my dad hasn't been the manager of the First Security Bank there for more than 25 years, and it has probably been at least 15 years since I have actually been inside what is now the Wells Fargo Bank at 99 North Main Street in Spanish Fork. I have promised my sister that I will stop there on my way to Idaho and sign some papers that need to be signed in order to stop my dad's retirement checks that my mom has been receiving each month. The person I need to talk to is helping another customer and so I take a seat and wait for my turn.

The bank has been remodeled several times since the months that I felt like I practically lived here. The bathroom isn't where it belongs and the back stairs to the basement have disappeared. All of the higher management desks are now surrounded by clear plastic sound walls that present a somewhat stand offish attitude and all of the tellers behind the counter look like they could be my sons. I am treated cordially and with respect, but no one is welcoming me home as their long lost family member. As I sit with my back to the large bank vault, that is still right where it is suppose to be, and watch the familiar wooden gate, protecting the front staircase, swing back and forth behind an employee on his way to the basement break room, I am hit by a wave of nostalgia and homesickness that takes me by surprise.
I miss my dad.
I miss my mom.
I miss my friends at the bank.
I miss the feeling of belonging that I use to feel in this building.
I even miss those long ago days as a Spanish Fork Don that ended up being much better than I could have imagined during the final months of 1975.

I feel the tears begin to well up in my eyes and hope that I can complete my transaction before I have a complete breakdown. Thankfully, it is soon my turn to be helped and I maintain my composure until I walk out the back door, which isn't suppose to be there by the way, and into the parking lot. The youngest daughter seems to be OK with the fact that I feel the need to cry from Spanish Fork to Bountiful and since she is the one driving it doesn't matter that I can't see anything anyway.

Today I am thankful for

a daughter that is willing to stop and shop the sales with me.
a daughter that makes hotel reservations and knows how to order pizza.
extra McDonalds napkins.

He's Moving Out

Today the oldest son loaded up his truck and moved to an apartment about a block and a half down the road.

He doesn't look too happy to see me show up on his doorstep later on this afternoon, but I know he really was.

His apartment has everything he needs.

A TV, a DVD player, a shelf full of DVD's and a remote. What more could a young man want?

Today I am grateful for a boy with his own truck and 2 siblings to help him move.
a ground floor apartment, because I did have to help move a few things.

Empty Schools

The oldest daughter and I were talking the other day about how sad elementary schools appear at the end of the year. All the artwork comes down. All the colorful bulletin boards - gone. The colorful rugs and containers are put away. All that is left are bare white walls - sad, boring, bare white walls. The hallways and classrooms looks so lonely and forlorn to me. The son-in-law, both sons and I spent a lot of the day at the oldest daughter's school helping her get everything taken down, put away and moved to one side today. It was a big job and interesting working around her students. Her classroom has VERY limited storage space and we crammed lots of stuff into her one small, metal cupboard. I'm not looking forward to emptying it and putting everything back up when school starts again.
This year the elementary school behind my house is closing forever. The school district is losing students and money and decided it was time to take drastic measures and shut down a school. It is a very sad thing. None of my children attended this school. We moved into this house with 2 elementary school students, but I was working at the elementary school in our old neighborhood (one neighborhood East) so they just continued attending school there. My youngest daughter started middle school the next year and I was prepared to put my youngest son in the new school, but when I started asking my new neighborhood friends for a 2nd grade teacher recommendation they didn't have one. I dearly loved two of the 2nd grade teachers at the old school and I was still going to be working there so I just kept him there and he stayed until he left for middle school as well.
I think it is always a heart wrenching event when a school closes. Children are quite possessive of "their school" and it seems that many parents are too. From a real estate point of view it is also a negative thing. I have enjoyed hearing the children reciting the pledge over the intercom each morning and listening to the happy voices during recess. Knowing that the children won't be returning in the fall makes me view this empty school differently this summer.
The district has recently decided to rent the school to the High School district to use as an alternative high school. That wouldn't be my first choice for a neighborhood school, but I'm trying to withhold my judgement until I see how it turns out. Hopefully I will be pleasantly surprised. It will definitely be different.

Today I am grateful

for a cool, rainy day in May. What a gift!
that I don't have to consolidate a classroom every day.
for boys to move heavy shelves.

Back Off

We had a ward talent show tonight and it was fun to get to go and enjoy some time with the other members of the ward. The hubby and I went as a two-some since all of our family members had other plans. I like to see our nursery children in settings other than nursery and see how they respond to me. I sat on the floor of the gym and played ball with one of them, and another one enjoyed sitting on my lap and melting ice cubes in his hands all over the two of us. They make me feel loved and important. It is kind of sad though that the nursery group that moved up to Sunbeams in January don't seem to want to be bothered by me any more. I started talking to one of the little boys and he held up his hand in front of him, in a stop sign, and firmly stated, "I'm in primary now." In other words, "Back Off. I've moved on and I don't need you to hold my hand or wipe my nose or dry my tears or build block towers for me to knock down or take me potty anymore. I am bigger now." It took me back for a moment and then it just made me laugh. For the rest of the night, when I would see him, I'd say "Oh, you're in Primary now." and then the two of us would both giggle about it.

Backing Off is something that I have a very difficult time with. Just ask my husband and my kids. It is hard for me to see my own children, as they grow up, raising their hands signifying stop every now and then. So many of their words and actions and gestures seem to say "I'm bigger now and I don't need you". It always takes me back for a moment and their unintentional snubs are harder to laugh off than those of the nursery kids. It is kind of funny when you think about it. This is what we work for all of our children's growing up years. To raise responsible, independent, self-assured children who are capable of taking care of themselves. Who don't need their mommy to hold their hand or wipe there nose... When they are moving forward in this endeavor I should applaud and pat myself on the back not feel sad. And yet, there is something about not being needed that is a little unnerving. I do want my children to grow up. I do want them to be independent and self-assured and responsible. I do want them to have their own lives and their own friends and their own families and their own homes and their own dreams, but every once in a while I want them to remember that they still need me, even if it is only to wipe their tears when someone knocks their tower down or to share their joy when they get it to stand up tall and steady.

Message to my children - I love you. I am learning to let go, but sometimes it is hard. Please be patient with me.

Today I am thankful for

a ward family.
good food that I didn't have to prepare.
a husband who still likes to go places with me.

First and Last

This is a picture of my oldest daughter
and her brand new 2005 Toyota Corolla
on the first day she ever drove it.
It wasn't her first car,
but it was her first NEW car and she was excited
even though she doesn't look it in this photo.

Fast forward about 4 years. This is a picture of what this same car looked like today, the last time she drove it.

This morning she was involved in a car accident on the way to work. There was a chain reaction 4 car crash when the front vehicle decided to make a u-turn and didn't quite manage to get out of the way fast enough. The speed limit on the road she was on is 65 and she apparently hit pretty hard even though she tried to swerve and slow down. She says she is fine. She is sore in the areas where the seatbelt hit, but it definitely could have been so much worse. These kind of experiences always make me stop and realize how fragile life really is and how quickly things can change. Luckily this time all that really got hurt was her car.

Today I am grateful for

Seatbelts, and a daughter that uses hers.
a son-in-law who gets called in an emergency instead of me.
Cell phones with cameras.

Pay Back

So, all you parents out there, have your children ever said something or done something and in the back of your mind you think, "I hope someday you have a child just like you and then you will realize just how I felt today."? I know I have and I would guess a few of you have as well. I am definitely sure my mom felt that way about me on more than one occasion. Take for instance one particular circumstance I have been thinking about for the last couple of days.

My third year at BYU I had a couple of roommates who were from Las Vegas. Well, Thanksgiving was fast approaching and I was invited by these roommates to go to Nevada with them for the holiday. Now, I might not have been as tempted to accept this invitation, except at the same time I found out that my sister and her family were going to be in Las Vegas visiting her husband's brother for Thanksgiving. I was excited to have an adventure, as well as have the opportunity to see my one and only niece, my nephews and my sister and brother-in-law, of course. I informed my mom of my decision and she didn't seem to be nearly as excited as I was. At the time I couldn't really understand why she didn't think it was a wonderful idea. I did go to Vegas and had a lot of fun and enjoyed seeing family and hanging out with friends. It is a Thanksgiving memory that stands out in my mind, probably because it was out of the norm.

Well, this year I am getting pay back from my youngest daughter. She decided that she wanted to go to Snowflake, AZ with her roommate for Thanksgiving rather than spend the holiday with her somewhat routine family. I probably wasn't nearly as excited about the idea as she was (I might have been more excited if she had actually told me). I don't necessarily begrudge her the chance for new adventures, but I will miss having her here with me for the day. As I have gotten older and had my own children, I have come to better understand how my mom probably felt on that long ago November day. It is somewhat bitter sweet to watch my children grow up and begin to prefer someone else's company to my own. I think also, as the years pass, I begin to realize that the "family" holidays, that I have pretty much taken for granted, are going to be fewer and farther between. This year not only is this daughter missing, but the other daughter has gone to Gallup, New Mexico to spend the day with the husband's family there and the oldest son is visiting his fiancee's family dinner before he makes an appearance at his aunt's house for our Thanksgiving. Add to that equation a husband that can't walk without groaning, a head cold that won't go away, and a son who also has a cold and is ready to boycott Thanksgiving this year and I would say that the part of our family attending our "family" festivities has less than a festive attitude.

Does this mean I am not thankful? Not at all! I am so grateful for all of the many blessings which are mine. I am so lucky to have all of my children living close to me (or with me) so that I get to see them all of the time, and not just on special occasions. I am so blessed to get to spend Thanksgiving with my husband's large extended family because that means there will always be lots of food and I only have to cook a little bit of it. I am grateful that in this time of economic termoil that I have enough and to spare. I have wonderful memories of lots and lots of past Thanksgivings spent with family and friends. I have a telephone and the internet so I can communicate with the family members I can't be with today and share my gratitude for them with them. It truly is a very Happy Thanksgiving, even if I don't feel festive.

Happy Thanksgiving to you too!

History Is Made!

Today History was made in the United States of America
and I was here to witness it
and participate in it.
Today the first Black (bi-racial) President of the United States
was elected - President Barack Obama.

This is truly a momentous achievement.
I am proud to be a citizen of a nation
that has reached the point
where a man is not judged
by the color of his skin.

I chose to not vote for this candidate,
but that was not because of his ethnicity
but because of his ethics, his experience,
and his political position
on some issues I feel strongly about.

On my morning walk a specific house
has caught my attention the past few weeks.
This house flies a replica of the original American flag -
13 stars arranged in a circle on a field of blue.
In the front yard of this house is an Obama '08 sign.
Every day as I walk past
I ponder how far
the United States of American has come
since the introduction of that first flag.
How much we have learned
about the equality of all men and women.

I am grateful for the progress we have made
as a nation where the issue of race is concerned.
I don't believe all of the changes that have occurred
in the United States of America since it's early days
have been positive ones,
but this is one that I am happy to be a part of.

Introducing Sally 2

Today I am the reluctant owner
of a new cell phone,
thanks to faulty pants pockets,
"wild" teenage driving and
my loving hubby.

I have a very difficult time with change
and have had the same style of cell phone
since I became a reluctant cell phone owner
back in the Fall of 2004.

I have actually had 3 different phones.
First my original plan issue.
Then my oldest son's identical phone
that I acquired
when he needed an upgrade and
I needed buttons that actually pushed.
Most recently I had the exact same phone
courtesy of my youngest daughter's
necessary upgrade to a sidekick phone
with a keypad
for easier texting and internet access.

I had a flip phone
(also a hand-me-down
from the son)
for a week
and I hated it.
I took about 200 pictures
of the inside of my pocket in that week.
I kept accidentally hanging up
on people when I tried to answer it
and the space button
and capital letter button
and puncuation button
were in different places
than I was use to
when I tried to text
and it frustrated me no end.

Now, I know all you
younger than 30 text messagers out there are saying
"You don't use puncuation when you TEXT!"
but I pride myself on my puncuation
and my complete words
and my capital letters
and my precise spacing.
That is why it takes me 10 minutes to send a
5 word text message.
That and the fact that I despise T9.

My husband was going to buy me
a new cell phone a while back
so we went to the T-mobile store and
looked at our options.
I thought I was going to have an anxiety attack
right there in front of the display cases.

So Many Choices.
So Many Bells and Whistles
and Cameras and Colors.
I had to get out of there and fast.
That's when I decided that
I could always scroll up so
I didn't really need a down arrow that worked.

I hate change
but now it has been thrust upon me
and I will just have to get use to it.

I couldn't even make myself go to the store today.
The husband went with 2 of the kids.
I made the hubby promise me
no flipping,
no sliding,
and no picture taking.

Just a boring new phone
like my boring old one.

My kids were so disappointed.
So of course,
the daughter had to purchase an upgrade for herself.


Today I am thankful for

a husband that will go buy me a new cell phone so "my heart doesn't have to go all crappy". That's what happens when I walk into a cell phone store, a car dealership or Costco.
a husband that is willing to be one of the few men watching a "chick flick" because that's the movie I wanted to see.
a husband who loves me even though I think too hard.

My birthmonth present to myself today was going to see "Mamma Mia" for free with my library reading program gift cards.

The new thing I learned today is that there are 293 ways to make change for a dollar. How many can you come up with?

Lessons from Aunt Grace

I always find myself doing
an inventory of my life
when my birthday rolls around.

It seems like this
is the time of the year
when I am the most motivated to set goals
or change unproductive habits.
I don't set very many New Year's Resolutions
but I usually come up with a few Birthday ones.

Whenever I think about setting goals
I am reminded of a story I once heard
at BYU Education Week.

It was entitled "Lessons from Aunt Grace"
and was originally published in the Reader's Digest Magazine.

Aunt Grace was a maiden aunt who
had come to live with relatives.
She felt like an imposition and
was feeling sorry for herself.
She quickly came to realize that
this was the way her life was.
There was nothing she could do
to change the circumstances
she found herself in
so she decided to change herself.

She decided to complete 6 tasks each day
in order to hold her world together
and she recorded in her journal
how she accomplished these goals.

The 6 tasks were

Do Something for Someone Else.

Do Something for Myself.

Do Something I Don't Want to Do-
that Needs Doing.

Do a Physical Exercise.

Do a Mental Exercise.

Do an Original Prayer that
always includes counting my blessings.

Whenever I feel like
I need to make some changes in my life
these 6 tasks immediately come to mind.

As I think about them
I can usually see
where I am lacking
and what I need to work on.
Often when I set goals
a few of these tasks are included.
Focusing on these simple items
each day has helped to bring my
life back into focus on numerous occasions.

I am grateful for the lessons
I learned from Aunt Grace.

You can read the complete story here.

What a Difference?

I read the phrase "What a difference a year makes" somewhere the other day. At the time I questioned "What is different in my life today from a year ago?". Not much, I thought. Same old challenges, same old weaknesses, same dirty house, same silly kids, same comfortable husband. However, as I've pondered on this for the past couple of days, I've come up with quite a few differences in my life from this week last year.

First to come to mind was location.

Last year during this week my Mom, sister and I drove to the Seattle, Washington area to visit my other sister and to have some "girl" time together. (Yes, I realize one of the people in this picture is not a girl, but we needed someone to be the tour guide). A year ago,I was definitely enjoying cooler temperatures, as well as some different family members.

Next, I thought about changes in my children's lives - which ultimately mean changes in mine.

My youngest son actually shared a lot more about his first week of school with me last year, via the phone, than I have been able to pull out of him this week. He is the king of one word answers,"Fine." "OK." "Uhh." "Sure." I pretty much think these all mean the same thing - leave me alone and stop asking dumb questions.

Another difference is that when I get to the school to pick him up he stands at the driver's door expecting me to move to the passenger seat so he can drive. That's a big change.

Everyone at school told this son that they knew what he did over the summer without even having to ask him.

HE GREW!

He is at least 2 or 3 inches taller than he was last year at this time and he has also gotten a little bigger around as well.

One last difference involving him that I came up with is the change in our morning routine. This child has never been a morning person. He enjoys sleeping in and isn't too excited about getting up in the morning. In the past I have told him when it was time to wake up and told him and told him and told him again, until he finally gets up. It has always been his strong belief that it was my job to get up half an hour early to wake him every 5 minutes, even though he had no intention of getting up the first time I called (or the second, or third, or fourth). By the time we finally got out the front door in the morning I was already having a bad day. We have tried lots of different things to change this routine. Alarm clocks, rewards, punishments, yelling, not yelling... but nothing has seemed to make a difference until now. This year I told him that his phone has an alarm and he is responsible to set it and get up when it goes off or he doesn't need to have a phone. 3 weeks into the marching band season and he has gotten himself up every day as soon as the phone goes off (except the day the phone was in my possession). I'm keeping my fingers crossed that this change continues.

My youngest daughter has finished another year at Mesa Community College and has changed her major 2 or 3 more times.

She is no longer a teenager.

She has 2 new roommates and is living in a new home.

She is the parent of a puppy that was only a dream last year at this time.

She is falling out of love with her cute, little convertible that she was still falling in love with a year ago.

Her hair has probably been at least 10 different colors in the past year, but pretty much looks the same right now.

She has had 2 jobs and quit both of them. Now she is looking for a job and thinks that online college classes are the way to go.

This week last year the older son was preparing to start his job taking school photos for Lifetouch photography and spending all his free time trying to decide what kind of vehicle he was going to purchase to travel to and from his job every day.

This year he is working as an elementary school Instructional Assistant in a special ed classroom, a job he started in about March and continues to love, and spends all his free time trying to decide how he is going to pay the car payment, gas, and insurance on the 2007 F150 Ford truck that he has been the proud owner of for almost a year now.

He also spends a little of his free time thinking about a certain young lady that he had no idea even existed this time last year.

That brings us to the oldest daughter who has probably had the most changes in her life, since the first week in August last year, of any of us.

A year ago she was a single adult keeping her eyes open for a prospective husband with no real possibilities in sight. Today she has been married for four months and has eyes only for that one special guy that she plans on spending eternity with.

Last year she was living with her sister. This year she has a new sister (in-law) as well as 2 new brothers and another "mom and dad".

Last year she had just started her second year as a Kindergarten teacher at Fuller Elementary school and was feeling kind of like she knew what she was doing. This year she is putting the finishing touches on her Second Grade classroom at Salt River Elementary and wondering if she'll ever feel like she knows what she is doing again.

Some other differences I thought of were that we have more money in our bank account than we did last year. This is a good thing since just about everything I can think of costs more this year than it did in August 2007.

We have one less car, since our purple car gave up the ghost, but always seem to have more cars parked at our house.

I have a different calling in the church (along with an old one too ) and so does my hubby as well as all our children. Now I get to watch my son bless the sacrament instead of pass it every Sunday.

Last year I had never even heard of a blog, let alone written in one of my own.

My hair is grayer, my clothes are tighter, my blood work when I went to the doctor wasn't as good as it was last year. In 2007 I was walking 2 miles a day no matter how hot it was, this year even thinking about walking makes me too hot.

Lots and lots of changes. Some for the better,some for the worse, and some the jury is still out on.

I use to always think that my life would be one gradual uphill climb back to Heaven, but I have found that definitely isn't the case. My journey through life feels more like the roller coaster ride from you know where. One day I'm up, one day I'm down and I do often question if I am making any progress at all or if I'm just going around in a circle and will end up right back at the beginning of the ride this time next year.

I guess the question is

"What POSITIVE DIFFERENCES have I made in my life this year"?

Am I a better person today, August 7, 2008, than I was on August 7, 2007?

Have I learned something I needed to learn?

Done something I needed to do?

Made a difference somehow, somewhere in my world?

When I was sorting through some papers yesterday, getting ready for an Indian Parent Executive Meeting, I found proof positive that I at least accomplished that last one. Here it is!



Although I know that I am far from perfect and probably could have and should have made many more postive differences than I did this past year, I do believe that I have made some progress in my upward climb and can honestly say I am a better person this year than I was last year at this time.

Today I am thankful

that I got to stay home for part of the day and work on my own projects.
for lunch my daughter bought me at IHOP.
for a new day, every day, to make a difference.

Today my birthmonth present was Ice Cream. That's all I need to say.

Demolition

My neighborhood has undergone some changes recently. A car dealership, a gas station and a restaurant have all been visited by the demolition squad. It is so strange to me to drive by a building one day and have only a dirt field there a day or two later. My husband and I actually got to view part of the "backhoe banging" on the restaurant. With one well placed thump from a large backhoe a wall came tumbling down. I couldn't help but think of the time and effort that went into constructing that building when it was first erected and now all that is left is a pile of rubbish.

There was a time when my youngest son thought that tearing down buildings would be the greatest job in the world. I tried to convince him that designing and building a structure would be a much more noble calling, but he wouldn't have any of that. I guess it's the boy in him. You know, it's a proven fact, if you give a boy a stick or a dowel or pretty much anything made of breakable wood and ask him to throw it away, prior to its entry into the trash can it will be thoroughly demolished.

Sometimes I think I enjoy being part of the demolition crew as well. At least in the way I treat my family and interact with them. I am way to willing to tear down and destroy rather than try to build up. Being positive and uplifting takes effort. Being negative comes way to easily to me. I need to remember that it is much more noble and important to be a builder and not a destroyer.

Don't be yourself - be someone a little nicer. ~Mignon McLaughlin, The Second Neurotic's Notebook, 1966