Toenail Clip?

Now, I have heard of a paper clip





and a hair clip








and even a bag clip









but a toenail clip?

Could this be a new fashion craze?
I envision decorative little bows
clipped to some rather long toenails.
They would look great with flip flops.
If I created these I could make my millions.

Or perhaps this is a necessary item
that you use to clip all those stray toenail clippings together
before you dispose of them properly.
(This is when I wish I was an artist
and I could add some really nice illustrations for you.)

But no, a toenail clip is just the very common item
that I have inadvertently referred to
as toenail clippers
for my entire, uninformed life.

Here's the proof.

Read it right there
on the package -
Toenail Clip.

The things you learn
when your toenail clippers
magically disappear and
you are forced to go and
purchase a new pair.

Which brings up another question.
Why do I refer to this item as a pair
when there is just one of them?
(The picture may be confusing but the second item included in the picture is my absolutely free bonus fingernail clipper,
or would that be a fingernail clip?)

Along with the bonus fingernail clipper
this toenail clip also comes with
a LIFETIME GUARANTEE.
La Cross will repair or replace
(at their option)
implements defective in workmanship or material
unless they are abused or rusted.

However, if the clipper is suppose to be rust resistant
wouldn't rust indicate that perhaps the material
was indeed defective?
Also, does the company have to prove clip abuse?
Does it have to be documented like child abuse,
or can it just be assumed by looking at the resulting damage?

Anyway, back to the guarantee.

All I have to do is package my inferior merchandise and mail it
- post paid and insured- to them.
Now, I don't often insure items that I mail,
but it seems to me that the packaging,
the postage and the insurance
would far exceed the $2.99 that I paid for these clippers.
I'm thinking it would likely be more cost effective
to just purchase a new one.
Plus, I'm pretty sure I would have a hard time
keeping a straight face as I told the postal worker
that I would like to insure my defective toe clip.
And wait, what if I went to all the trouble
of mailing my broken clip to the company
only to discover that it was not defective at all,
but had just reached the end of its lifespan
and sucumbed to a natural death
thus voiding the "lifetime" guarantee.

I am going to go put this purchase
in a very safe place right now
to avoid having to deal with all of these issues
and to keep it from simply disappearing like the last one did.

Today I am thankful for

the ability to see humor in everyday things.
coupons that save me money.
a husband that cooks.