Thursday, November 27, 2008

Pay Back

So, all you parents out there, have your children ever said something or done something and in the back of your mind you think, "I hope someday you have a child just like you and then you will realize just how I felt today."? I know I have and I would guess a few of you have as well. I am definitely sure my mom felt that way about me on more than one occasion. Take for instance one particular circumstance I have been thinking about for the last couple of days.

My third year at BYU I had a couple of roommates who were from Las Vegas. Well, Thanksgiving was fast approaching and I was invited by these roommates to go to Nevada with them for the holiday. Now, I might not have been as tempted to accept this invitation, except at the same time I found out that my sister and her family were going to be in Las Vegas visiting her husband's brother for Thanksgiving. I was excited to have an adventure, as well as have the opportunity to see my one and only niece, my nephews and my sister and brother-in-law, of course. I informed my mom of my decision and she didn't seem to be nearly as excited as I was. At the time I couldn't really understand why she didn't think it was a wonderful idea. I did go to Vegas and had a lot of fun and enjoyed seeing family and hanging out with friends. It is a Thanksgiving memory that stands out in my mind, probably because it was out of the norm.

Well, this year I am getting pay back from my youngest daughter. She decided that she wanted to go to Snowflake, AZ with her roommate for Thanksgiving rather than spend the holiday with her somewhat routine family. I probably wasn't nearly as excited about the idea as she was (I might have been more excited if she had actually told me). I don't necessarily begrudge her the chance for new adventures, but I will miss having her here with me for the day. As I have gotten older and had my own children, I have come to better understand how my mom probably felt on that long ago November day. It is somewhat bitter sweet to watch my children grow up and begin to prefer someone else's company to my own. I think also, as the years pass, I begin to realize that the "family" holidays, that I have pretty much taken for granted, are going to be fewer and farther between. This year not only is this daughter missing, but the other daughter has gone to Gallup, New Mexico to spend the day with the husband's family there and the oldest son is visiting his fiancee's family dinner before he makes an appearance at his aunt's house for our Thanksgiving. Add to that equation a husband that can't walk without groaning, a head cold that won't go away, and a son who also has a cold and is ready to boycott Thanksgiving this year and I would say that the part of our family attending our "family" festivities has less than a festive attitude.

Does this mean I am not thankful? Not at all! I am so grateful for all of the many blessings which are mine. I am so lucky to have all of my children living close to me (or with me) so that I get to see them all of the time, and not just on special occasions. I am so blessed to get to spend Thanksgiving with my husband's large extended family because that means there will always be lots of food and I only have to cook a little bit of it. I am grateful that in this time of economic termoil that I have enough and to spare. I have wonderful memories of lots and lots of past Thanksgivings spent with family and friends. I have a telephone and the internet so I can communicate with the family members I can't be with today and share my gratitude for them with them. It truly is a very Happy Thanksgiving, even if I don't feel festive.

Happy Thanksgiving to you too!

1 comment:

Janaya L. Johnson said...

mommy:
i did not WANT to go to snowflake for thanksgiving, i made a decision. it was hard, but in the end it made the most sense. caitlyn was not allowed to go up herself because her mom didnt feel good about her coming up alone, and so if i didnt go with her she wasnt going to get to see her family for thanksgiving. now you might say, yes, but now you didnt get to see your family for thanksgiving. which is true, but the more i thought about it the more i realized that i get to see you whenever i want. i can get to your house in 3 minutes or less, and i am around you all the time. it is a rare occasion for caitlyn to be able to see her family. my going to snowflake with her was a decision i made because of the gratitude i have to be able to spend time with my family, and i wanted her to be able to have that too, for at least on weekend. but if things had been different, and she could have gone by herself, i would have stayed here. i wasnt looking for a fun adventure, to me, it seemed like a good way to show Heavenly Father how grateful i am to have my family, and to have them so close that i can be with them all the time. i love you, and im sorry you felt like i just didnt want to be with you, because i did. <3.