Faith

Since Shad went into the hospital and his tumors were discovered a week ago I have been blessed with an overwhelming sense of peace that this is God's plan for him and our family and that all will be well.  That doesn't mean that I know the details of His plan or understand how this part of the story will turn out. I am not really sure  what WELL actually means.  

I am a realist and I know that Shad is a very sick little boy and that he may not get better or that if he does get better he may have some continuing problems for his entire life, but I am also a woman of faith and I know that our loving Heavenly Father has the power and the ability to heal anyone, in any circumstance.  

Sometimes these two sides of me get into an internal battle for power. 

There are times when I have all the faith in the universe that Shad will come through this whole and completely healthy.  There are other times that I realized how naive that idea sounds and then war ensues. 

I have thought fervently and often of the scripture found in Mark 9: 24

"... Lord, I believe; help thou mine unbelief."

On Wednesday I carried my General Conference issue of the Ensign magazine into the surgical waiting room to read while we waited during Shad's surgery.  I opened the cover and began to peruse the titles of the talks.  

Now, I am a very emotional person.  I can cry at the drop of a hat.  I cry when I'm happy.  I cry when I'm sad.  I cry when I feel the spirit. I excel in crying. The waiting room was almost entirely full and I didn't particularly want to cry in front of all those strangers, so I was having a little difficulty choosing a talk. When the title alone made me tear up I decided to move on to the next one.  Finally I reached a talk given in the Sunday Afternoon session by Marcus B Nash. The title was "By Faith all Things Are Fulfilled"  I waited. No tears.  This seemed like the one.  

I loved everything about this talk and I would recommend it to anyone, but there was one paragraph that spoke loudly and clearly to me.

Elder Nash said,

"Bearing in mind that faith and reason are necessary companions, consider the following analogy: faith and reason are like the two wings of an aircraft.  Both are essential to maintain flight.  If, from your perspective, reason seems to contradict faith, pause and remember that our perspective is extremely limited compared to the Lord's.  Do not discard faith any more than you would detach a wing from an aircraft in flight.  Instead, nurture a particle of faith and permit the hope it produces to be an anchor to your soul - and to your reason.  That is why we are commanded to 'seek learning ... by study and also by faith.'  Remember, faith precedes and produces miracles for which we have no immediate explanation within our experience."  

Since I read that paragraph I have found myself frequently visualizing "my plane" when I feel a battle beginning in my head or in my heart.

Are both my wings functioning properly?  

Am I flying straight and strong or am I listing to one side?  

Is one wing getting too large and the other withering away?   

As I analyze my thinking and picture my plane, it seems easier to bring everything back into balance.

In a world where reason reigns supreme, there is room and a need for faith. I am striving to have enough of both.

Today I am thankful 

for modern technology.  It is wonderful to be able to send out a mass e-mail or text and know that my friends and family have been updated without having to call or write each one individually.

that the oldest daughter was able to go to the temple with the youth in her ward tonight.  She deserved a break from the hospital and the temple is a wonderful place to go during a trial.

for extra, extra pickles - and 2 that looked like Mickey Mouse - on the grandson's hamburger.  They made him smile. 

There were a lot more pickles before I took the picture!