Pay Back

So, all you parents out there, have your children ever said something or done something and in the back of your mind you think, "I hope someday you have a child just like you and then you will realize just how I felt today."? I know I have and I would guess a few of you have as well. I am definitely sure my mom felt that way about me on more than one occasion. Take for instance one particular circumstance I have been thinking about for the last couple of days.

My third year at BYU I had a couple of roommates who were from Las Vegas. Well, Thanksgiving was fast approaching and I was invited by these roommates to go to Nevada with them for the holiday. Now, I might not have been as tempted to accept this invitation, except at the same time I found out that my sister and her family were going to be in Las Vegas visiting her husband's brother for Thanksgiving. I was excited to have an adventure, as well as have the opportunity to see my one and only niece, my nephews and my sister and brother-in-law, of course. I informed my mom of my decision and she didn't seem to be nearly as excited as I was. At the time I couldn't really understand why she didn't think it was a wonderful idea. I did go to Vegas and had a lot of fun and enjoyed seeing family and hanging out with friends. It is a Thanksgiving memory that stands out in my mind, probably because it was out of the norm.

Well, this year I am getting pay back from my youngest daughter. She decided that she wanted to go to Snowflake, AZ with her roommate for Thanksgiving rather than spend the holiday with her somewhat routine family. I probably wasn't nearly as excited about the idea as she was (I might have been more excited if she had actually told me). I don't necessarily begrudge her the chance for new adventures, but I will miss having her here with me for the day. As I have gotten older and had my own children, I have come to better understand how my mom probably felt on that long ago November day. It is somewhat bitter sweet to watch my children grow up and begin to prefer someone else's company to my own. I think also, as the years pass, I begin to realize that the "family" holidays, that I have pretty much taken for granted, are going to be fewer and farther between. This year not only is this daughter missing, but the other daughter has gone to Gallup, New Mexico to spend the day with the husband's family there and the oldest son is visiting his fiancee's family dinner before he makes an appearance at his aunt's house for our Thanksgiving. Add to that equation a husband that can't walk without groaning, a head cold that won't go away, and a son who also has a cold and is ready to boycott Thanksgiving this year and I would say that the part of our family attending our "family" festivities has less than a festive attitude.

Does this mean I am not thankful? Not at all! I am so grateful for all of the many blessings which are mine. I am so lucky to have all of my children living close to me (or with me) so that I get to see them all of the time, and not just on special occasions. I am so blessed to get to spend Thanksgiving with my husband's large extended family because that means there will always be lots of food and I only have to cook a little bit of it. I am grateful that in this time of economic termoil that I have enough and to spare. I have wonderful memories of lots and lots of past Thanksgivings spent with family and friends. I have a telephone and the internet so I can communicate with the family members I can't be with today and share my gratitude for them with them. It truly is a very Happy Thanksgiving, even if I don't feel festive.

Happy Thanksgiving to you too!

Shower Surfing

My husband decided to take up a new hobby this morning and tried a little spontaneous shower surfing. I'm sorry to say that it didn't turn out so well for him. He took a rather graceless spill and twisted his knee in the process. It was rather fortuitous that he was headed to the doctor for a routine visit following his morning shower. The doctor checked out his knee and told him that it was just a bad pull and instructed him to stay off of it for a few days. I guess that's one way to get a longer paid holiday, but not a way that I would recommend. He isn't really enjoying his vacation all that much. I think he wishes he had a wife that was a little more sympathetic. In my defense, I am sympathetic. I just don't know what to do to help. I did make him lunch. Does that count for something??

Good Answer!

A couple of weeks ago my hubby had the TV on
and it was the tail end of Family Feud.
They had asked one contestant the 5 final questions
and were in the process of revealing her answers.
One of the questions was
"What is something that belongs to you
that you wouldn't want to see smoke coming out of?"
My husband and I came up with what we thought
were some pretty good answers -
my car, my house , the oven,
before they showed her answer.
She had said "my washing machine"
and she received a few points,
but not too many.
We both laughed at her silly answer.

Well, I should have been nicer
because I can truthfully tell you
that seeing smoke pouring out of your washing machine
while it makes the loudness
most obnoxious sound in the world
is something that I really wish I hadn't seen.
I have reconsidered and that was a GOOD ANSWER!

I am actually grateful that I was home
when the washing machine decided to have
it's pyrotechnic moment
since I am notorious for starting the washer
or the dryer
and then leaving the house.
Now, I know that I have heard
and read that this is a BIG NO-NO,
but honestly,
is there anyone out there who has NEVER
left home while the washer or dryer was running?

Now that I feel better about my unsafe behavior -
since everyone is doing it -
does anyone know a good washing machine repairman
or should we just do like my husband suggested
and buy a new one?

Today I am thankful for

all the clothes that I got washed before the washer gave up.
the fact that I didn't feel good so I stayed home while I washed.
Family Home Evening when everyone cooperates.
warm temperatures in November so I could leave the door open to get rid of the smoke and the smell.

Happy News!

Just in case you read this post
and failed to read this post when I inserted it
you might want to go back and review them
before you read today's post
or you might be a little bit confused.
Actually, you might still be a little bit confused
I'll admit I am.

Now that you are all caught up
I would like to announce
that the oldest son and the roommate/girlfriend
got engaged tonight!
You can read all about it here.

I will tell you all
that he gets his romantic nature from me
and his fondness for Taco Bell from his dad.
Unfortunately,
he also gets his decision making skills from me
and proposing
and choosing a ring
are the only decisions concerning the marriage
that have been made so far.
Stay tuned for more exciting details
that will hopefully be following soon.

Today I am thankful for

a happy son and soon to be daughter-in-law.


happy occasions that get my entire family together.
helpful siblings.

Life Isn't Always Fair

My oldest daughter has always had a very strong desire for fairness in life. I'm sure I couldn't count the number of times while she was growing up that she spoke the phrase "That's not fair." and I would unsympathetically reply, "Life isn't always fair." I do believe that first born children often have to deal with more unfairness in life than other children. They are the oldest and therefore are sometimes held up as the example, have to live up to high expectations, have to carry more than their fair share of the work, have to be the guinea pigs for parenting attempts that backfire, are expected to act the oldest in disputes... While I understand and often join in her desire for fairness, I am also willing to acknowledge that sometimes life just isn't fair and that's just the way it is and that's really not necessarily a bad thing.

This daughter has recently been experiencing one of the joys of married life - deciding which family to spend the holidays with. How are we, as a married couple, going to make both families happy and how are we going to divide our time fairly? The son-in-law's immediate family live here in the valley, which in many cases makes life easier and in a few cases, harder. This year their family is spending Thanksgiving with a sister in Gallup, New Mexico. They want the newlyweds to go with them. This has been a topic of much thought, discussion and consideration. If the couple spends Thanksgiving with his family then the fair thing to do would be to spend Christmas with her family. However, when you consider that his family lives "in the neighborhood" it seems somewhat selfish on the wife's part to tell the husband "you don't get to see your family on Christmas." especially considering that he has a missionary brother who only gets to call home on Christmas and Mother's Day. It wouldn't really be fair for him to have to miss his brother's phone call if it were possible for him to be there. This is one of those situations where life really can't be fair, or where you have to rethink, "What is fair?"

I think sometimes fair doesn't translate into splitting things right down the middle. If you have a 16 year old boy and a 1 year old boy a fair division of a cookie might not be a 50/50 split. The needs and the stomach size of the 2 boys are different. This is why life doesn't always seem fair. The 1 year old might rightly feel that he hasn't gotten his fair share if he is given less than half of the cookie. When we take into consideration all the varying circumstances and needs of the individuals involved, often the truly fair solution might seem to favor one person more than the other. Next time it just might favor the other person.

I love my daughter and my son-in-law. I want to spend time with them whenever I can and I especially like to be with my daughter on the holidays, but I also understand that given the circumstances the fair solution might not fall in my favor. I might not get my entire half of the cookie this time. I am OK with that fact.

I like to believe that in the end we will all look back and see that life really was fair for each one of us in a very personal way. That our loving Heavenly Father looked at each one of His children's needs and tried to always deal with us fairly without taking away our agency or the agency of any of His other children. When we die I think that we will realize that life was much fairer than we ever imagined at the time.

However, when grandchildren are added to the equation I might not feel as noble and generous as I do today. I'm giving the other grandparents fair warning.

Distractions

I am a person that is easily distracted from accomplishing what I set out to do. Sometimes my Blog is my distraction and sometimes other people's Blogs distract me from mine and sometimes just turning on the computer distracts me from everything.

I have become very distracted this past week by the aftermath of the vote on Proposition 8 in California - Protests outside Mormon temples, church member's jobs, homes, and businesses being threatened, white powder being mailed to several different religious buildings... I was caught off guard by all that has been happening. It is hard for me to comprehend what has been taking place following a decision made in a democratic election. A statement issued by the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints says "People of faith have been intimidated for simply exercising their democratic rights. These are not actions that are worthy of the democratic ideals of our nation. The end of a free and fair election should not be the beginning of a hostile response in America." I don't understand why political officials in California aren't willing to stand up for the majority of the people they represent and acknowledge that this decision is the will of the people and affirm that they will uphold it. I try to picture the individuals in favor of Prop 8 behaving in a similar fashion if the final tally had gone the other direction and not in our favor. I can't even imagine it.

I think because I find some of these events so incomprehensible, I keep being drawn to more and more information about them hoping in someway to make sense of the whole thing. I have wasted a lot of time reading articles and news reports about all that is transpiring and still I simply don't understand. As a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints I am sure that part of the issue is that I don't like to see the Church that I belong to and believe in reflected in a negative light, especially when I don't feel that we are the ones that have done anything negative. Also, in the back of my mind I keep feeling grateful that California is where this issue has come to a head and not Arizona (following the passing of Proposition 102) and then being disappointed in myself because of those feelings. I worry, "when will it be my turn to have to stand in the face of dangerous and demoralizing opposition and courageously maintain my position?" I am frightened by the visibility of Satan and his plan going forward in today's America.

Since this issue has been foremost in my mind recently, I thought it was appropriate when I opened to Elder Robert D. Hales conference talk to read in the Ensign today. It is entitled Christian Courage: The Price of Discipleship. It amazes me over and over again how inspired our leaders are in the messages they prepare and share with us. I may have been surprised by what happened in California following the election there, but obviously the leaders of the church, both here on earth and in the heavens above, were not surprised at all. This talk brought me the peace and understanding that I have been searching for in so many ways. God knows what is going on. "The opposition which may seem hard to bear will be a blessing to the Kingdom of God upon the earth." "When we do not retaliate - when we turn the other cheek and resist feelings of anger - we stand with the Savior. We show forth His love, which is the only power that can subdue the adversary and answer our accusers without accusing them in return." However, the message that struck me with the most power was this, "We have a great work to do, which will not be accomplished if we allow ourselves to stop and argue and be distracted. Instead we should muster Christian courage and move on. As we read in Psalms 37:1 'Fret not thyself because of evildoers'."

There is Heavenly Father's message to me. Don't let this distract you. Move away from the computer and go and do what needs to be done.

With that said I guess I better sign out.

I find it ironic that since November, the month to be thankful, started I have been very remiss in writing down what I am grateful for every day. Writing these things down is a very important part of my life and makes a big difference in my daily attitude. I need to step it up again.

Today I am thankful for

Inspired leaders who receive revelation concerning topics to speak on in General Conference and pass that inspiration on to me.
Family Time.
Times when things just seem to work out right. Today the youngest son and I both got to be happy with a trip to the church.

Absence Makes the Heart Grow Fonder - Sometimes

Tonight the oldest son decided to abandon his melancholy mood long enough to attend the Youth Concert with our family. There were a lot of us who decided to participate by being the audience including all of my children, the son-in-law and the roommates. The daughter, with the roommates, sat in a different part of the building since a couple of ex-boyfriends were located in our area, one being my son.

Following the concert the son went out to the hall to get a drink of water while I talked to some family and friends. All the sudden here comes the son back, holding hands with the roommate, big smiles on both of their faces. I'm still unsure what brought about the change and so is the son, but he says he's not going to ask any questions. He is just too happy! She seems to be pretty happy too. Go figure.

I guess in this case absence did make the heart grow fonder. Unfortunately, the other ex-boyfriend is already married to someone else and he seemed pretty fond of his wife. Sorry other roommate.

Speaking of old girlfriends, tonight there were quite a few non member youth who came to watch their friends perform. One of the girls, who was sitting the row in front of us, looked very familiar to me. I finally figured out that she was someone that the youngest son had gone to elementary school with. This young lady had quite a crush on him, especially when they were in the 4th and 5th grade. He liked her too, but he was a little more smitten with someone else. Their 5th grade teacher was engaged to be married the year they had her and so there seemed to be an extra dose of romance floating around in their classroom. For Valentine's Day the teacher decided to have a Valentine Tea and she encouraged all the boys to ask one of the girls as a date. Now, I am a prude and I was not really in favor of this idea. I thought perhaps the moms and dads should have been invited instead (perhaps I just wanted to be able to enjoy all the fancy treats that I was being asked to provide). Anyway, I remember my son stressing about if he should ask someone and who he should ask but I honestly don't recall how it all ended up. What I do remember is hearing about my son's part on the program. He and this girl sang a duet together.

They sang LOVE.

L is for the way you look at me,
O is for the only one I see,
V is very, very extraordinary
E is even more than anyone that you adore.
Love is all
That I can give to you
Love is more
Than just a game for two
Two in love can make it
Take my heart
And please don't break it
Love was made
For me and you.

I still have a hard time figuring out what possessed him to do that and I am still amazed that none of his friends laughed him out of the school. Oh, and remember this is the boy that "doesn't sing". Anyway, tonight it just so happened that she was there to watch the same person perform that this son was there to watch. She is a good friend (perhaps not as good as he would like however. A mother is never really sure). Well, the two girls got talking and it came out that they both knew the son, but this girl was sure (actually hoped) that he didn't remember her. He was called over and a jaunt down memory lane ensued. Yes, he remembered her. Yes, he remembered singing that song with her. They had a good laugh together. However in this case I don't think absence had made the heart grow fonder. I think absence just proved how silly elementary school crushes look from the perspective of time.

Today I am thankful for

the smile on my oldest son's face. I hope it stays there.
youth who are willing to perform uplifting music so I can feel the spirit and receive inspiration.
my Savior, Jesus Christ.

Choice

Tonight some of the youth in our stake performed a concert
featuring the Kenneth Cope musical,
"Greater Than Us All" .
All of the youth were invited to participate in this evening
and encouraged to participate in this evening
and cajoled to participate in this evening
and still some of them chose not to participate.

Now I understand that some people really aren't singers
and this is the excuse that my youngest son used on me
but I live with the kid.
I listen to him sing with the radio.
I listen to him sing with the computer.
I listen to him sing with the TV commercials.
I listen to him sing with his brother.
I listen to him sing with gusto.
The boy sings.

I wish he would have chosen to be a part of the program
and I guess he was in the long run.
He was a member of the audience
and we all know the audience is an important part
of any successful production.

I am sure that I am like most parents.
I want what is best for my children.
I want them to have spiritual experiences.
I want them to learn to serve.
I want them to enjoy spending time with their peers,
ones who have the same beliefs and values that they do.
I want them to develop their talents.
I want them to work hard to accomplish a goal and feel good about it.
I want them to fill their time and their heads and their hearts
with so many uplifting things
that there isn't room left for anything else.
I want them to be happy.

Unfortunately, sometimes the things I am convinced
will ultimately bring them happiness
are not the things they choose to do.
Sometimes letting my children make their own choices
is the hardest thing in the world for me.
This was basically a benign choice.
While I think my son would have benefited from the experience,
I don't think he placed his eternal exaltation in jeopardy
by choosing not to.
There are times when that is not the case.
Sometimes I question why Heavenly Father
feels so strongly about each one of His children
having the opportunity to make their own choices.
Sometimes Satan's plan sounds pretty good to me.

As I also sat in the audience tonight
and listened to the beautiful music being performed
and pondered on the words that were being sung
and the messages that were being taught,
the words and the messages and the spirit
began to seep into my heart and my soul
and replace by disappointment and remorse
concerning my son's participation.

I once again realized some important facts.

I may not fully comprehend why agency
is so infinitely important to our Heavenly Father
that He was willing to lose one third of His children
before they even had a chance to come to earth and
receive a physical body because of it.
I may not know why being able to choose is so valuable
that our Heavenly Father was willing to allow His beloved Son
to atone for our sins and die on the cross
and that Son, my eldest brother,
was willing to do just that,
but I do know that it must be because,
I also know that our Heavenly Father
is a loving parent, not unlike myself,
who wants what is best for His children.
He wants us to have spiritual experiences.
He wants us to learn to serve.
He wants us to enjoy spending time with our peers,
ones who have the same beliefs and values that we do.
He wants us to develop our talents.
He wants us to work hard to accomplish a goal and feel good about it.
He wants us to fill our time and our heads and our hearts
with so many uplifting things that there isn't room left for anything else.
He wants us to be happy.
And yes, the things that he knows will ultimately bring us happiness
are not always the things that we choose.
However, our loving Heavenly Father has provided
a way for each one of us to make choices,
benign or not so benign,
and still be able to be happy in the end.
He has provided someone greater than us all
to make everything all right
if we will choose to do what is right.

I also know that I need to teach my children
and encourage my children
and set a good example for my children
but ultimately the choice is theirs.
My choice needs to be to have faith in Heavenly Father's plan,
even the parts that I don't totally understand.

A Symbol of Hope

This morning as I was enjoying some quiet time in the Mesa temple I continued my musings on the topic of hope. I came to the conclusion that a temple is the perfect symbol of hope. Temples exist only because of hope. The hope that life continues after death. The hope that people can change after this life. The hope that God's plan is fair for everyone. The hope that a family that is united in this holy edifice will never be divided. The hope that Heavenly Father keeps His promises. The hope that He wants to communicate with and bless His children. The hope that we can faithfully complete our mission here on earth and return to live with that loving Father again. The hope that every temple on the earth lessens Satan's power.

Hope - what a wonderful blessing.

Hope Wins!

Less, you all think I'm sitting at home
paralyzed by my bad feeling
I feel compelled to share
some more of my thoughts and feelings.

I don't think that it was totally by chance
that the November issue
of the Ensign Magazine
arrived in my mailbox yesterday.
I was definitely ready to revisit
some of the amazing and comforting talks
that were given by our leaders
in the recent General Conference
of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter day Saints.

One of my favorite talks,
and the one that I quickly turned to this morning,
is entitled The Infinite Power of Hope
and was given by Elder Dieter F. Uchtdorf.
I loved this talk the first time I heard it
and I loved it even more as I read it today.
I need to have hope.
I want to have hope.
Our nation needs to have hope.

I think hope is what a lot of Americans
voted for in yesterday's election.
Hope for a better life.
Hope for peace.
Hope for a united country.
Hope for a stronger economy.
Hope that the promises
made by our newly elected leader
will actually come to pass.
Hope.

I was home alone tonight
and started flipping through the TV channels
looking for something to provide a little noise
in my empty house.
There was Oprah,
full of smiles and shouts,
sporting a "Hope Won" t-shirt.
I'm pretty sure that Oprah
thinks that Barack Obama
is going to save our nation
and us along with it
and now she can actually say that
on her syndicated television show.

I began to mentally compare
who and what Oprah has placed her hope in
with who and what Elder Uchtdorf counsels
us to place our hope in.
I quote,
"We hope in Jesus the Christ,
in the goodness of God,
in the manifestations of the Holy Spirit,
in the knowledge that prayers are heard and answered."
Then Elder Uchtdorf goes on to promise,
"This type of hope in God,
His goodness, and His power
refreshes us with courage
during difficult challenges
and gives strength
to those who feel threatened
by enclosing walls of fear, doubt and despair."

I am glad that so many people
have cast their vote for hope this week.
I think that it is a positive sign
that a lot of Americans realize that
our country has some major problems.
However, I question if their hope
is perhaps in the wrong person.

I strongly believe that "Hope Wins"
in this world every day
when it is placed in our Heavenly Father
and His son, Jesus Christ,
our only true source of hope.

That is the message I think
will really save our nation.

An Election Result That I Feel Positive About

A Bad Feeling

Have you ever just had a really

bad feeling

about something

with no real evidence to tell you

why you have that feeling?

I can remember two very specific times

in my life when this has happened.

The first time happened quite a few years ago.

My little family (it was little, that's how long ago it was)

was returning home from a trip to Disneyland

via San Diego and Sea World.

It was getting rather late at night

when we arrived in Gila Bend

and decided to drive toward Buckeye

and connect up with the East bound I-10.

As my hubby drove

I started to get a bad feeling.

The further he drove the worse I felt.

I could hardly sit still in the car

the feeling was so strong.

We needed to not go that way.

Finally I told my husband

we needed to turn around and

drive toward Casa Grande

and hit the freeway there.

I told him I didn't know why

but that was the feeling I had.

To his credit,

he didn't question me

and immediately turned around

even though it meant we would be

extending our trip by quite a bit.

I never found out why I had that feeling.

I don't know what might have happened

if we had continued down the road we were on.

The second time occurred a few years ago.

My oldest daughter had been away to college

but was home for the holidays.

Early New Year's Eve she decided she wanted

to drive to St. George to celebrate

the arrival of the new year with some friends there.

I am always up for an adventure and

decided our whole family should go.

However, as we began to prepare,

once again, I got a very bad feeling

about this decision.

I shared the feeling with my daughter

and told her I didn't think we should go.

She let me know that she thought

I was being unreasonable

and a party-pooper to boot

and declared that she was going by herself

if no one else would go with her.

This didn't help the feeling at all.

I asked her to try to understand

and to pray before she made her final decision.

After what felt like a long half hour

she informed me

that she had decided not to go.

I never found out why I had that feeling.

I don't know what would have happened

if we (or she) had driven to St. George that day.

Tonight I am experiencing one of those feelings.

I'm not totally sure why

and I don't really know how to turn around

and change direction to alleviate this feeling.

Like the experience with my daughter

the decision is pretty much out of my control

and I just have to pray

that everything will turn out o.k.

I hope I never find out why I had this feeling.

Today I am thankful for

family members who understand the importance of voting.

a new vacuum cleaner belt.

no more political commercials.

History Is Made!

Today History was made in the United States of America
and I was here to witness it
and participate in it.
Today the first Black (bi-racial) President of the United States
was elected - President Barack Obama.

This is truly a momentous achievement.
I am proud to be a citizen of a nation
that has reached the point
where a man is not judged
by the color of his skin.

I chose to not vote for this candidate,
but that was not because of his ethnicity
but because of his ethics, his experience,
and his political position
on some issues I feel strongly about.

On my morning walk a specific house
has caught my attention the past few weeks.
This house flies a replica of the original American flag -
13 stars arranged in a circle on a field of blue.
In the front yard of this house is an Obama '08 sign.
Every day as I walk past
I ponder how far
the United States of American has come
since the introduction of that first flag.
How much we have learned
about the equality of all men and women.

I am grateful for the progress we have made
as a nation where the issue of race is concerned.
I don't believe all of the changes that have occurred
in the United States of America since it's early days
have been positive ones,
but this is one that I am happy to be a part of.