He Knows Better Than I

A couple of days ago one of my youngest son's Sunday School teachers died. He was quite young and has 5 children, ages 16 to 2, 3 under the age of 5. There is some question as to the cause of death, but it is most likely that he died of a drug overdose or committed suicide. He has struggled most of his life with some mental illness and drug abuse. He served a mission and married in the temple, but has had long periods of inactivity followed by a renewed desire to do what is right. His family only lived in our ward for about 6 months, but it was during one of his better periods and he had a very positive influence on my son's life. His death has been difficult for my son to understand and I have also struggled with how much information I should share with him as I hear rumors and stories from many different sources. I have chosen to discuss openly all of the possibilities that I can reasonably substantiate, believing that I would rather he hear it from me and we talk about it than he hear it through gossip and silently wonder and worry about it.

Today after church my son asked me "Why are some people's lives so much harder than others?" This is a question that I often ask myself. It seems like no matter how hard some people try they always have challenges while it seems that life just kind of flows along happily for others. I didn't really know how to answer his question. We talked about how sometimes choices that we make or that other people make result in consequences that bring difficulties with them. I also told him that I think Heavenly Father allows us to have challenges so we can learn the things we need to know here on earth and become the person we need to be. I didn't really feel like my answers had made a difference and I wondered what more I could say. I asked his dad and they discussed the subject for awhile with a lot of the same ideas brought out again. Still, I wondered what he was really thinking about the whole question.

Later in the day this son was sitting in the living room singing. He enjoys singing and I will often hear him repeating his current favorite song over and over again. As he sang I tuned in to hear what song was number 1 on his list at the moment. As he sang the same portion of the song a number of times, I didn't recognize it, but the words became clear to me. What he was repeating was a chorus that said:

You know better than I
you know the way
I've let go the need to know why
For you know better than I.

I still didn't recognize the song, but the message of the song was familiar to me. I felt that this was in part an answer to my question of where my son stood following our discussion from earlier in the day. To me he was acknowledging his faith that I may not have all the answers, and his dad might not have all the answers, but his Heavenly Father has the answers to why. Along with that, the fact that he doesn't know why right now is OK, because God knows why and he knows better than any of us.

I asked the son what the song was and he said it was from the DVD "Joseph King of Dreams". I went online and looked up all the words to the song and was really touched by the entire message.

I thought I did what's right
I thought I had the answers
I thought I chose the surest road
But that road brought me here
So I put up a fight
And told you how to help me
Now just when I have given up
The truth is coming clear

Chorus 1:
You know better than I
You know the way
I've let go the need to know why
For You know better than I

If this has been a test
I cannot see the reason
But maybe knowing
I don't know is part of getting through
I tried to do what's best
But faith has made it easy
To see the best thing i can do
Is to put my trust in You.

Chorus 2
For, You know better than I
You know the way
I've let go the need to know why
For You know better than I

Coda:
I saw one cloud and thought it was a sky
I saw a bird and thought that I could follow
But it was You who taught that bird to fly
If i let You reach me
Will You teach me.
(Repeat Chorus )

For, You know better than I
You know the way
I've let go the need to know why
I'll take what answers you supply
You know better than I

I have developed a great love for the story of Joseph over the years. I am amazed by all the things that had to happen to Joseph in order for him to be who he was meant to be and for him to be in a position to literally save his family from death. If he had not been sold into bondage or thrown into prison what would have happened to him and his extended family when the famine occurred? Knowing the end of the story helps me to see the power of God's love and watchful care during the entire experience.

If I could know the end of the story would I better understand the difficulties that occur in my life and in the lives of others? Maybe, but I don't believe I am meant to know the end of the story yet. I need to have faith that Heavenly Father is aware of what is going on. I need to remember that He loves each one of His children, he knows the individual challenges that we each face and he sees the whole picture much better than I do. For right now that is enough for me to know and hopefully it is something that my son is learning as well.

Today I am grateful for

the opportunity to be at church in my own ward. Does it mean I have spent too much time on the road recently if the first thing I do when I sit down on the church bench is look for my seat belt and then I can't concentrate during the meeting because I don't fell safe because I'm not buckled in?
movies that contain positive messages and children who are willing to watch them.
a lesson reminded of by my son.