Can't Stay? Let's Play!

 It all started with a phone call yesterday afternoon.

The oldest daughter was calling to inform me that they were once again returning home from a possible hospital stay.  Shad's platelets had gone up a lot, to way over 100. Great! But now his Neutrophils had dropped and they were  too low to start chemo.  I could hear Shad, in the background, screaming  at the top of his lungs. He was frustrated. His mom was frustrated.  Living life in limbo is hard on everyone. They have returned to the hospital every 2 to 3 days since Halloween thinking that they will most likely be staying for a week.Then after a lot of poking, prodding and testing, they have been told to go home.

I did my best to offer support and then hung up.

A little while later I received this text:

"I think you should forget all your responsibilities and drive to California tonight so we can go to Disneyland tomorrow."

Tempting.  Very, very tempting.  However, I had a Relief Society activity I had committed to help with that night and Shad was scheduled to go back for another try on Thursday, so that left a pretty short window of opportunity.  I didn't really see how it would work, but I really wanted it to.  I gave it some thought, made some phone calls, and at 4:30 AM this morning the youngest son, his friend, and I were in the van driving to Anaheim.

We dropped the friend off to have a visit with his family in Lakewood and arrived at Disneyland just after it opened at 10:00 AM.  The oldest daughter didn't tell Shad that we were meeting them there, just in case something happened and we didn't make it.  He was pretty excited to see us!

The youngest son asked if Shad was going to be in charge this trip, since he definitely was the last time we visited the Magic Kingdom on his birthday, and I told him "probably".  Shad is definitely the one with the take charge attitude in this group and the rest of us really are usually happy to follow his lead.

Our first stop was Soarin' Over California, one of Shad's favorites.  However when we saw there was a 25 minute wait we opted to get a fast pass and then headed over to the Monster's Inc. ride, another of Shad's favorites (and Grandma's too). Really, what isn't there to love about a toddler singing in the bathroom?

Roz is my favorite part of the ride.  She always has some entertaining, snide remark to make and this time of the year she even says it with the holiday spirit.

While we were at that end of California Adventure we swung by the Disney Rewards card character "Meet and Greet" and hung out with Stitch for a few minutes.  He and Shad had a fun time playing tag, hide and go seek, and acting like monsters.

The rest of us even got in on the action too

and then Shad told Stitch goodbye.

After that most of us decided we were hungry and headed to the Wharf for lunch via Cars Land. They had a lot of cute Christmas decorations, but I opted for a picture with the autumn leaves where you can't even tell we're at Disneyland.  Perhaps not the best choice, but I do like this photo.

When I decided I could make this trip to Disneyland work I checked the online forecast to see what kind of clothes I should wear.  When we came in October it was rainy and cold.  The forecast for today was 95 on one site and 88 on another.  I texted the oldest daughter and told her to tell Shad that it was going to be hot and Grandma wanted to go on Splash Mountain (definitely not one of his favorite rides since he got a face full of water the first time he rode it).  He countered with Grizzly River Rapids, also not a favorite of his, but apparently better than Splash Mountain.  I was happy to accept that as an alternative.  

After we ate it wasn't quite time to use our Soarin' fast passes so Shad checked the map and informed us that Grizzly River Rapids would be a good choice to ride next since it was on the way to Soarin' Over California.  That kid loves his maps and has pretty good map reading skills too!

There was a bit of a line at the Rapids ride, which gave Shad plenty of time to remember about the bear in the cave that he is afraid of.  We finally determined that the bear was asleep and what we could hear when we went in the cave was him snoring.  Shad decided that would be OK, until he was buckled in and ready to go.

The 2 couples who were riding with us couldn't decide if we were torturing the child or not.  One second he was crying and the next he was laughing.

As we walked off the ride, all still fairly dry, Shad informed us that he liked this ride now.  We probably should have ridden it again immediately, because I am pretty sure he will forget he likes it before we come back.

We headed to "the plane ride" next and we all enjoyed ourselves without any crying.

Shad and I were hanging out after Soarin' waiting for the others to go to the restroom, when a nice older couple approached me and asked if they could give Shad this stuffed whale they had won at the arcade.  He was pretty excited and even remembered to say "thank you".

Before we left California Adventure and headed to Disneyland we stopped to check out the Christmas tree.

Shad's favorite toy under the tree was the airplane, of course.

I was kind of partial to the Mickey Mouse myself. 

We swung by Elias and Co to see how long the line for Santa was and found him just waiting for us to come and visit.  Shad was pretty unsure what he wanted for Christmas, but he enjoyed chatting with the big guy

and eating the candy cane he gave him.

We spent most of the afternoon in the Disneyland Park.  First we rode Star Tours.

This is Grandma's Star Tours isn't my favorite ride face.

Then we helped Buzz defeat Emperor Zurg 

and enjoyed some holiday Small World.

Next we joined in the Jolly Holiday Revelry at Big Thunder Ranch 

with some of our Disney friends

 

 and petted some animals in the petting zoo.

Shad has become a big Jack Skellington fan so the Haunted Mansion ride was a must do

and then he decided we could go on Splash Mountain if he got to wear the poncho.

Unfortunately, the poncho only stopped about half of the water that gushed over the front half of the log following the big splash. 

Luckily for Shad, he had extra clothes. Grandma and mommy weren't quite so lucky. 

The youngest son didn't even get wet. 

Our last stop in Disneyland was at Pirates of the Caribbean.

We took a quick swing past Sleeping Beauty's castle and Small World to see them all aglow with the Christmas lights

and then headed back to California Adventure to use our Radiator Springs Racers fast passes.

The ride broke down for a few minutes when we were almost to the front of the line, so we spent some time playing hand slap games to keep Shad entertained.

We ended our day at the Cozy Cone snack area enjoying some pretzel and churro bites

and then headed for San Diego.  I rode with the oldest daughter and Shad, and the youngest son went and retrieved his friend and then joined us there.

It was a long day in a short trip (we're headed back to Arizona tomorrow morning), but it was definitely worth it.  I'm glad we came!

Today I am grateful for

a son who came to California with me so I wouldn't have to travel alone and who was willing to carry Shad when he got tired.
an annual pass to Disneyland.
daylight savings time that gave me an extra hour of travel time so I could arrive at Disneyland close to when it opened.
getting to spend time with people I love!

Wow! Wow! Wow!

Can I just say that today's sessions of General Conference were all I had hoped and prayed for and SO MUCH MORE! I am finding that "all and so much more" is a reoccurring theme where our Heavenly Father and His blessings are concerned.

Every talk held a message that I needed to hear, but this quote struck be as the most profound.

All Things Bright and Beautiful

Why am I often so quick to have doubts and so slow to exercise faith? Elder Uchtdorf  just has a way of making things seem so simple - Why wouldn't I, or anyone else, want to belong to The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints?

Jeffrey R. Holland's talk was definitely a family favorite.  The oldest son posted on face book "I could listen to Jeffrey R. Holland for all 10 hours of conference!!" The youngest son commented "like a million times".  I agree wholeheartedly, but I would need a jumbo sized Kleenex box if that were the case. I love Elder Holland's compassion, sensitivity, and rock solid testimony.  

from All Things Bright and Beautiful

I can't wait to see what General Conference will bring tomorrow!

Today I am grateful for

Heavenly Father's infinite love and goodness. 

a living prophet and apostles on the earth today.

the Holy Ghost.

my boys, in white shirts and ties, headed to the priesthood session of conference.

  

I am a Child of God

About a month ago the oldest daughter informed me that Shad was going to be singing a solo in their ward's primary sacrament meeting program.  As the dutifully doting grandmother that I am, I was determined that I would be there to hear him perform, and put a red star next to September 22nd in my calendar book.

Well, fast forward to today and there I was, sitting in the Hillsdale ward watching the primary children share their testimonies in word and song, but without Shad.

I offered to stay at the hospital so the oldest daughter and the son-in-law could attend church today, but they decided it would be too sad.  I wondered if I wanted to go, since I was pretty sure it would be too sad too, but my desire to go to church won out.  Since our ward's primary program was today as well, I knew if I didn't attend here I wouldn't get my yearly primary program fix, so I loaded up on the tissues and arrived early enough to find an inconspicuous spot in the back of the chapel.

Apparently last week the primary president announced to all the children that Shad wouldn't be able to sing in the program because he was going to be in the hospital.  They were all very sad.  Then the primary president announced that they would need a replacement soloist and they were no longer sad, but jumping up and down with their hands in the air shouting "Me! Me! Me!"

You've just gotta love kids!

Then the primary president had the difficult job of choosing just one of the many hopeful children to take Shad's place. A little girl, who the oldest daughter described as "very shy", was finally selected and today she performed her little heart out, possibly better than the grandson would have managed when he was actually faced with a chapel full of people, unlike the empty chapel he sang to during practices.

I guess we'll never know.

I barely shed a tear during the song, but when the bishop got up as a substitute, to recite Shad's speaking part, I will admit I cried quite a few.  This is what the bishop said (prefixed by "I am substituting for Shadrach Smith who, as many of you know, is in the hospital today having chemotherapy"),

"Just like we have a physical body that can get sick, we have a spirit that can get sick too. Jesus Christ chose to suffer in the Garden of Gethsemane and then to die on the cross so that we would be able to repent and return to Heaven."

This paragraph came from a talk that Shad gave earlier in the year in primary sharing time, one that I helped his mom write, and one that has deep significance to me. Physical disease and spiritual disease - two topics that I have given a lot of thought to over the past year. In fact, I have spent countless hours pondering them both and wondering if one is better or worse than the other. I have found that both physical death and spiritual death are horribly painful ideas to contemplate, especially where those I deeply love are concerned. Over the course of the year I have solidified many beliefs on these topics and raised even more questions in my mind and heart, but that is definitely fuel for another blog post.

Back to this post - at first I thought that it was somewhat random that the bishop was chosen to read Shad's "talk", but after thinking about it for awhile I decided that it was definitely an inspired choice.  Who better to share the message of spiritual sickness and the antidote for this disease than the Master Physician's designated representative, the bishop of the ward. One of the bishop's most important roles is to assist the spiritually sick in repenting and using the gift of the atonement to become well again.

The primary children did a great job sharing their thoughts and feelings about the topic "I am a Child of God" and I was glad that I chose to attend. It was worth any sad that I felt.

I do not know why Shad is sick.  I do not know why he had to be in the hospital today instead of in church performing with all his primary friends, where we would have all preferred him to be.  There are a lot of things I don't know and I am daily reminded of that fact, but there are a lot of things I do know and today and every day I will try to focus on what I do know.

I do know that last November we accepted the possibility that Shad would never really get to attend primary as a Sunbeam, that he would be too sick to go to church while he was 3.  However, he was blessed beyond our expectations.  He was in church more Sundays than he missed and every time he was there he walked with his class to and from sharing time and sat in a little chair (or chose not to sit in his chair and stood up or rolled on the floor) and colored pictures and listened to lessons and sang songs and gave talks and scriptures and prayers and learned about being a Child of  God.  He was a Sunbeam in every sense of the word, much more so than we could have imagined, and we have been blessed.

I do know that Shad didn't have to sing in sacrament meeting today or recite his memorized talk to be remembered by many of the members of the Hillsdale ward. His smile and his bravery and his sweet spirit have touched many lives and made a lasting impression. Perhaps his absence will have more impact in the life of some struggling soul than his presence would have had.

We may never know.

I do know that disease is devastating, both physical disease and spiritual disease. But I also know that through the atonement of Jesus Christ we have the ability to overcome both and live with Him and our Heavenly Father again. What a wonderful message that has become emblazoned on my heart during this past year.

I do know that each one of us is a beloved Child of God. He loves his children - those who are physically sick and those who are spiritually sick and those who are trying to be like Him.  He loves each one of us, with a never-ending love that we cannot even begin to imagine. He wants us to come back to Him.

And I do know that if Shad had sung his song in sacrament meeting I would have loved every minute of it, but I wouldn't have recorded it and been able to enjoy it again and again.  I hope you enjoy it too.

Today I am thankful for

a primary teacher and a presidency member who made the trip to the hospital to bring Shad a card from his primary friends and an "I am a Child of God button" for him to proudly wear.

primary music.  I love the spirit it brings.

children.

crockpots, so dinner could cook right in the hospital room.  We really should do that more often.

Hidden Hearts

Perhaps if you are a Disneyland fan, like I am, you have heard of the hobby of looking for hidden Mickeys at the Disney resorts as demonstrated below.



 I have tried my hand at it, but I am not very successful.

I do however have a similar hobby, that I am quite good at.  I find hidden hearts



and when I find them I count them as a sign from my Heavenly Father of His love for me.

There are actually a lot of heart shapes found in nature. Thus supporting, in my mind, the idea that they are symbols of the Creators' love for His children.

This picture of hidden hearts is one of my favorite.



I like to share my hobby with Shad and he is good at helping me find hidden hearts.



Love notes from God, that I save and ponder on.



I especially enjoy finding hidden hearts in the less obvious places.  In a random stick stuck in the Spanish moss used to decorate a crafty service project I am working on,

 in a pile of dirt left behind by a mischievous puppy,



in the abandoned orange peel on my morning walk,

and even in the poopiest moments of life.

God's love is ALWAYS there, and I will see it (and feel it), if I am willing to look for it.

Today I am thankful for

tangible reminders of God's love for all of His children, me included.
good friends.
a husband who was willing to sit at the repair shop for 2 hours, waiting to get my car (that apparently wasn't really broken) fixed, so I didn't have to.